■CCA/** 

9 I 







°o * 








C *> 



s s .\ v 




ro 



'^; / '*<* 



r ^ 




















/c° Nc *5^ '•*.* 








£ Vt V ° 




« ^ 



^ ^ 









THE 

PARENT'S FRIEND: 

OR, 

LETTERS 

ON THE 

GOVERNMENT AND EDUCATION 

OP 

CHILDREN AND YOUTH. 

BY THE 

REV. DANIEL 13 MIT H, 

OP THE NEW-YORK ANNUAL CONFERENCE. 



&*. £ $ 



" The obedience of children to their parents 
is the basis of all government." — Spectator. 



NEW- YORK : 

PUBLISHED BY T. MASON AND G. LANE, 

For the Methodist Episcopal Church, at the Conference Office, 
No. 200 Mulberry-street. 

J. Collord, Printer. 
1838. 



LblOSJ 
,Sfc5* 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND 

Has been entered, according to the Act of Congress, by 

T. MASON AND G. LANE, 

In the Clerk's Office of the Southern District of New-York, 

In the Year of our Lord 

1837. 



J2J&- 



J 



tfr 



CONTENTS 

OF 

THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 



Preface . . . . . . . page 5 

Letter I. — Propensity to Imitate ... 9 



II. — Subordination 

III. — Means of Securing Subordination 
IV. — Parents should Act in Concert 
V. — Courage — Superstition . 
VI. — Company, Home, &c. . 
VII. — Home made Agreeable . 

VIII.— Books 

IX.— Truth 

X. — Honesty . . . 
XL— The Sabbath .... 
XII.— Kindness and Benevolence . 
XIII.— Industry .... 

XIV.— Profanity . . . 
XV. — Temperance . . . . 
XVI. — Method of Conveying Instruction 
XVII. — Parental Condescension 
XVIIL— Physical Training 
XIX.— Good Breeding 



13 
17 

26 
28 
38 
43 
48 
59 
63 
68 
74 
81 
85 
87 
90 
95 
98 
107 



4 CONTENTS OF PARENT'S FRIEND. 

Let. XX. — Hours of Recreation . . page 111 

XXL— Emulation 116 

XXII.— Attention— Memory . . .119 
XXIII. — Self-examination and Confession, 

Patience, Faith, Prayer . . 124 

XXIV.— Dress, Extravagance, &c. . . 139 

XXV. — Amusements . . . . . 154 

XXVI.— Character 169 

XXVIL— Chastity 172 

XXVIII.— Religion 179 

XXIX.— Religion— continued ... 189 

XXX. — Knowledge of the Scriptures . 192 
XXXI. — Professions, Occupations, and Con- 
nections considered with Regard 

to Eternity 200 



PREFACE 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND 



The following letters were commenced with 
the intention of forming a tract of thirty or forty 
pages. The author, while performing his pas- 
toral visits, often felt the need of something to 
put into the hands of parents, which would re- 
mind them of their responsibilities and duties 
in relation to those immortal souls committed 
by divine Providence to their care. Amid the 
great variety of useful tracts published by the 
various "societies" he knew of none, on this 
subject, which exactly met his views ; and ac- 
cordingly (but not without much diffidence) he 
was induced to make an attempt at supplying 
this deficiency. One thought, by association, 
led to another, and one topic suggested others, 
until the work became more extensive than it 
was originally designed to be. From offering 
advice suited to the guidance and government 
of children from infancy up to the age of ten or 
twelve years, he was almost insensibly led to 



5 PREFACE TO PARENT'S FRIEND. 

consider the duties of parents to those advanc- 
ing beyond that period, and to offer remarks on 
the direction which parental influence should 
take, even up to the time when the son or the 
daughter leaves the paternal roof, and goes forth 
to settle in life. 

In pursuance of the subject, several rather 
lengthy quotations have been made from vari- 
ous eminent writers, — the author being much 
more solicitous to prepare a useful manual than 
ambitious to make his work appear original. 

With regard to the method observed in these 
Letters, he has only to say that he wrote amid 
a press of duties and frequent interruptions, and 
as the subjects occurred to his mind. He does 
not, however, consider it of much consequence, 
in a work of this kind, that the subjects should 
occur in a precise order. The epistolary style 
was chosen because more familiar ; and the 
notes, which were added after the writer con- 
cluded to make a small book rather than a tract. 
though they render the aspect of the work less 
uniform, will be found to increase its value. 

So far as the merits of these Letters are con- 
cerned, they are left to speak for themselves. 
Comparison with other works of a similar kind, 
on account of any supposed superiority, is not. 
challenged. This claims to be only an aux- 



PREFACE TO PARENT'S FRIEND. 7 

iliary in the great business of domestic edu- 
cation. 

It is hoped that this small volume, in conse- 
quence of being issued from the official press 
of the Methodist Episcopal Church, may be 
read by some into whose hands it otherwise 
might not fall. 

If the following work shall, in any measure, 
prove to be what its title imports — the parent's 
friend, the author's labour will not be entirely 
lost. He sends it forth as an expression of 
his regard for parents, and for the rising gene- 
ration, accompanied with the devout prayer 
that it may be rendered a blessing to all who 
may see fit to give it a perusal. 

D. S. 

New- York, December, 1837. 



THE 



PARENT'S FRIEND 



LETTER I. 

PROPENSITY TO IMITATE. 

My Dear Friend, — You request 
from me, "in writing/ 7 some hints 
concerning " the government and 
education of children and youth." 
With this request I intend to comply, 
by devoting, occasionally, a leisure 
hour to an^epistle on some topic con- 
nected with this important subject, 
; I begin with the propensity of chil- 
dren to imitate. No careful observer 
can have failed to notice the strong 
and constant bias of children to imi- 
tate whatever they see or hear in 



10 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

others. This is an admirable ar- 
rangement of Providence. Deprive 
a child of this propensity, and you 
attempt in vain to instruct him in 
languages, arts, sciences, or manners. 
Now to turn this principle to account, 
in the government and education of 
children, let the parent be what he would 
have the child be, and do as he would 
have the child do. Is the child a sort; 
of chameleon, which takes ite hue 
and colouring from every object with 
which it comes in contact? let it 
then come in daily and hourly contact 
with virtuous example. Do you de- 
sire your child should be courteous ? 
be courteous yourself: — intelligent? 
be so yourself : — affectionate ? be 
so yourself: — speak kind words in 
kind tones? speak thus yourself: — ■ 
maintain a strict regard for truth and 
honesty ? do so yourself. If, on the 
contrary, a parent exhibit before a 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 11 

child a daily example of coarse and 
rude manners, of affectation, of neg- 
ligence in person or dress, of fret- 
fulness and irritability, of harshness 
and unkindness, of idleness and im- 
providence, of dissimulation and evil- 
speaking, of lightness and frivolity, 
of exaggeration and disingenuous- 
ness, — is it strange he should see a 
miniature representation of his own 
follies in the conduct of the imitating 
child? Here many parents err most 
fatally. They begin at the wrong 
place. They expect from their chil- 
dren what they have no reason to 
expect — that the copy should excel 
the model. Disappointment follows ; 
and they set about reforming their 
children when they should first re- 
form themselves. No prophet's ken 
is needed to foretel the consequence. 
Disappointment succeeds disappoint- 
ment until, discouraged, the reins of 



12 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. - 

parental government are held with 
the most pernicious laxity, entirely- 
thrown down, or they fall into the 
opposite though equally dangerous 
extreme of undue severity. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND, 13 

LETTER II. 

SUBORDINATION. 

The second topic to which I would 
invite your attention is that of sub- 
ordination. As a parent, you must 
set out with a fixed purpose never to 
yield this point. Let your child un- 
derstand that your commands must 
be obeyed. Parental government 
does not consist in so many whip- 
pings, or corrections of this or the 
other kind, but in fixing in the mind 
of the child this impression, " I must 
and ought to obey" Make no com- 
promise on this point. Do not say, 
"You may take your choice — do as 
I bid you or be punished." This is 
to give up the point at once. It is 
virtually saying, "t am willing to give 
up my demand, provided I can have 
the pleasure of punishing." I recol- 



14 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

lect, when a child at school, the go- 
verness for some offence commanded 
me to make a confession before the 
scholars. I was reluctant, and she 
threatened a chastisement. I readily 
consented to be chastised, supposing 
she intended to give me the choice ; 
but when I found the point was not 
to be conceded, but that I was to be 
corrected until confession was made, 
I yielded at once. Had I escaped 
with only a feruling, the result would 
have been, first, her authority w T ould 
have been at least weakened ; se- 
condly, I should have triumphed in 
maintaining my will ; thirdly, she 
would have given up the point which 
she commenced to maintain, namely, 
obedience, and have taken up with 
what would at least appear like re- 
venge. With the habit of subordina- 
tion are connected the political and 
moral interests of society, and the 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 15 

future well-being of the soul. There 
can be no political happiness or safety 
without laws and government, and 
no law or government without sub- 
ordination. Now if habits of subor- 
dination are ever formed, they must 
be formed while the mind is plastic ; 
they must begin their formation un- 
der parental influence. If a correct, 
healthy morality be ever established, 
it must begin in the family circle. 
Obedience to a mild but firm parental 
authority easily transfers itself to civil 
laws and divine government. On the 
other hand, a rebellious child easily 
becomes a rebellious citizen, and 
a rebel against divine government. 
" Parents," says Hartley, " should la- 
bour, from the earliest dawnings of 
understanding and desire, to check 
the growing obstinacy of the will, curb 
all sallies of passion, impress the deep- 
est, most amiable, reverential, and 



16 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

awful impressions of God, a future 
state, and all sacred things. Religious 
persons, in all periods, who have pos- 
sessed the light of revelation, have, 
in a particular manner, been sensible 
that the habit of self-control lies at the 
foundation of all moral worth." He 
w T ho is accustomed to stubbornness 
and self-will waxes more and more 
perverse, until he will obey neither 
God nor man. Is not that a cruel 
kindness then which leaves a child 
to himself? Does it not produce an 
unfeeling and unnatural child ? a 
disobedient* and wicked citizen, and 
rebel against God ? And in how 
many myriads of instances does it 
bring down the gray hairs of parents 
with sorrow to the grave, and ruin an. 
immortal spirit! 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 17 

LETTER III. 

MEANS OF SECURING SUBORDINATION. 

In my last I threw out a few hints 
on the importance of inculcating ha- 
bits of subordination. In this I invite 
a few moments' attention to the means 
of securing that end. 

1. Let the child see that this is 
with you a fixed principle — that you 
must be obeyed. " In order to esta- 
blish competent authority and secure 
obedience, the following rule," says 
Mr. Dick, "must be invariably acted 
upon : That no command, either by 
word, look, or gesture, should be given 
which is not intended to be enforced 
and obeyed. It is the rock on which 
most parents split, in infantile educa- 
tion, that while they are almost in- 
cessantly giving commands to their 

2 



18 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

children, they are not careful to see 
that they are obeyed, and seem to 
consider the occasional violation of 
their injunctions as a very trivial 
fault, or as a matter of course. There 
is no practice more common than this, 
and none more ruinous to the autho- 
rity of parents, and to the best inte- 
rests of their offspring.' 7 

2. Let your rides, your family code, 
he as well settled and defined in your 
own mind as possible. Let your regu- 
lations be few, and simple, and com- 
prehensive ; and make them well un- 
derstood as soon as possible by your 
children. 

3. Beware how you alter, revoke, 
and re-enact. Children soon learn to 
question the propriety of those regu- 
lations w T hich are often changed. 
They readily perceive the absurdity 
of that conduct which strenuously 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 19 

enforces a given precept one day, 
yields it the next, and again com- 
mands it the day following. 

4. Deal with children as rational 
beings. Show them the propriety of 
your requirements. There may be 
instances in which this is impossible. 
The child of three years can learn the 
alphabet, but he is unable to compre- 
hend the benefit to be derived from a 
knowledge of it. In such cases, he 
must confide in the parent, and 

"Where he can't unriddle, learn to trust." 

But, in many instances, children are 
capable of discovering, to a con- 
siderable extent, the reasons for a 
given course. Influence by reason 
when you can, by authority when you 
must. 

5. Some small matters, small in 
themselves, are important in their 



20 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

consequences. Such are the follow- 
ing items : When you speak to a 
child, be sure to secure his un- 
divided attention to what you say. 
You will derive much advantage by 
calling the child to you, looking him 
full in the face, requiring his eye to 
meet yours, speaking in a tone and 
manner which shall indicate that you 
mean what you say — are seriously 
in earnest about it, and by governing 
the younger ones by means of the 
proper discipline of the older. To 
appear, nay, to be grieved rather than 
angered by disobedience ; and to cor- 
rect with regret clearly indicated by 
w r ords, tones, and countenance, are 

highly important. I 

[ 

" The art of governing like Thee 
Is governing by love." 

6. Keep temptations of every kind 
as much as possible out of the way. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 21 

As it is much easier to keep a field 
clear of noxious weeds than to eradi- 
cate them when once sown and root- 
ed, so evil habits are more easily 
prevented than cured. 

7. Enforce, as soon as age will 
warrant, your authority from the 
word of God. This should be done 
with prudence, and perhaps some- 
what sparingly ; yet I am persuaded 
it may be done with the most salutary 
effect. Let your child learn that his 
great and ever-present Creator has 
commanded and now enjoins obe- 
dience to parents ; that this is " the 
| first commandment with promise f 
and that disobedience incurs his dis- 
pleasure. After an act of disobedi- 
ence, let him be required to get the 
Bible and turn to a specified chapter 
and verse, and read aloud a portion 
condemning his conduct. Will it not 
produce effect? 



22 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

8. Never give a child that for which 
he makes an outcry. This would be 
but paying him for turbulence and 
crying, which he would soon learn to 
practise as the shortest way of com- 
passing his ends and gratifying his 
desires. It is necessary, however, 
that the reasonable wants of the 
child should always be seasonably 
attended to ; for, as crying is his 
only mode of proclaiming his wants 
and pains before he has learned to 
talk, if he be neglected until com- 
pelled by suffering to cry, and only 
then attended to, he will soon learn 
to associate crying with the supply 
of his wants, and will resort to it on 
every occasion. 

9. Secure by all proper means the 
affections of your children. Teach 
them their obligations and awaken 
their gratitude : make them love you 
too well to displease you. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 23 

10. Avoid all unnecessary severity. 
" Fathers, provoke not your children 
to wrath." Unnecessary severity de- 
feats its own ends. " Cruel parents/' 
says Dr. Clarke, very justly, " have 
generally bad children." 

11. " Never trifle with a child, or 
speak beseechingly to it when it is 
doing any improper thing, or when 
watching an opportunity to do so." 

12. " Never reprove a child se- 
verely in company, nor make light 
of his feelings, nor hold him up to 
ridicule." 

13. Beware of the spirit or prac- 
tice oi faultfinding. It prevents the 
efficacy of reproof, and sours the tem- 
per. It is far better to let slight acts 
of indiscretion pass unnoticed than 
to be constantly using the language 
of reproof. When reproof or correc- 
tion must be given, a clear case should 
be made out, that the judgment of the 



24 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

child may be clearly convinced of his 
wrong. 

14. Finally, it is both rational and 
Scriptural to conclude we must some- 
times resort to the rod. "He that 
spareth the rod/' says the word of 
God, "hateth his son; but he that 
loveth him chasteneth him betimes." 
The following is a judicious comment 
upon these words : " ' He that spareth 
the rod hateth his son ;' * that is, if 

* The following fact may illustrate the practica- 
bility of subduing the most stubborn ; and also the 

efficacy of the rod. D , a child of about three 

years of age, seeing I , an elder brother, have 

an apple, asked for it. I ate a part of the 

apple and gave D the remainder, which was 

instantly thrown on the floor. " Pick up that apple 
and eat it," said the mother. The child, with a 
very sullen aspect, refused. The contest was then 
fairly begun. A chastisement, deemed sufficiently 
severe, was given, and the child again commanded 
to take and eat the apple. He still refused. The 
elder brothers were directed to bring a handful of 
small rods, and a second chastisement, still more 
severe, was inflicted. The command was again 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. - 25 

he hated him, he could not do him a 
greater disservice than to refuse cor- 
recting him when his obstinacy and 
disobedience required it. By the ne- 
glect of early correction, the desires 
(passions) obtain ascendency ; the 
temper becomes irascible, peevish, 
and querulous ; pride is nourished ; 
humility destroyed ; and, by the habit 
of indulgence, the mind is incapaci- 
tated to bear, with firmness and equa- 
nimity, the cares and sorrows, the 
checks and disappointments, which 
flesh is heir to." 

renewed, but the child remained firm and unyield- 
ing. The mother had already gone sufficiently far 
to lacerate every feeling of her heart, but she knew 
if she failed to conquer then, it was doubtful whether 
she ever could conquer. The elder children were 
looking on, and a failure might completely prostrate 
family government. Feeling herself obliged to pro- 
ceed, she inflicted another chastisement ; and in the 
end completely succeeded. The child took and ate 
the apple ; and never afterward engaged in any 
siirtilar contest with either parent or teacher. 



26 THE parent's friend. 

LETTER IV. 

PARENTS SHOULD ACT IN CONCERT.' 

" Keep one consistent plan from end to end." 

In regard to government, it should 
be a principle with both parents not 
to interfere with each other in the act 
of correction, or contradict the rules 
or regulations and prohibitions of each 
other. What government can there 
be if one commands and the other 
forbids, if one prohibits and the other 
allows, if one threatens and the other 
protects, if one corrects and the other 
chides for so doing? If parents dif- 
fer on any given point, or one sup- 
poses the other to act wrong, let this 
be settled elsewhere than in the pre- 
sence of the child. I would likewise 
most earnestly caution you against 
a very pernicious error into which I 
have known some parents fall. The 
error to which I allude is that of 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 27 

one parents resigning the government 
of the children entirely to the other. 
If the mother resign to the father ? 
and he be necessarily absent much 
of the time, in his absence the family 
will present a scene of turbulence, 
noise, and confusion. Besides, sup- 
pose tjie father die, the mother, hav- 
ing dropped the reins, would find it 
very difficult to resume them : thus the 
children might be quite unchecked by 
parental control. Suppose the father 
resign into the hands of the mother: 
she may die ; or if not, after children 
arrive at a certain age, without the 
restraining authority of a father, they 
generally break loose from the mo- 
ther, and that too at an age when 
they most need restraining. Let both 
parents pursue the same course : — - 
they would, provided they knew that 
by the death of one the whole charge 
would soon devolve upon the other. 



28 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER V. 

COURAGE- SUPERSTITION. [ 

While a spirit of subordination is 
indispensable to the happiness of your 
family and to the well-being of your 
children, and ought therefore to be 
studiously inculcated, you will need, 
on the other hand, to guard against 
effeminacy. For a child to grow up 
destitute of courage, manliness, spirit, 
and decision of character, would be to 
j^ou a source of mortification, and to 
him a sore calamity. In teaching a 
child to obey you will be obliged to 
call into requisition the passion of 
fear. B at if a child be taught to act 
constantly under the influence of this 
passion ; if his fears be awakened so 
often, and to such an extent, that he 
will tremble and quail at the slightest 
manifestation of your displeasure ; if 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 29 

his spirit become broken and effemi- 
nate ; he will be but ill prepared to 
meet the rude buffetingsof life, or to 
act any honourable part in the world. 
Children should fear their parents, 
but they should also confide in them. 
Their fear should be filial, but not 
servile. The aim of a parent should 
be not only to subdue and eradicate 
obstinacy, but also to cultivate and 
bring out every courageous and man- 
ly principle : to blend pliancy with 
firmness, mildness with vigour. 

The practice of attempting " to 
frighten children to the'if duty by 
presenting to their fancy terrific ob- 
jects and exciting imaginary alarms," 
is highly prejudicial to all true cou- 
rage and manliness. Children are 
often frightened with stories of ap- 
paritions, lights, noises, fairies, and 
witches ; and these are generally re- 
presented as appearing in the dark, 



30 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

and about graveyards, &c. " Dark- 
ness is thus associated with terrific 
phantoms ; and children are some- 
times thrust into dark rooms to make 
them cease crying, or to frighten them 
into obedience." Who can estimate 
the mischiefs and the miseries which 
have originated in such practices? 
Picture to yourself a group of chil- 
dren gathered on an evening around 
some superstitious old aunt, who, 
with the most serious air and solemn 
voice, is drawing forth from the store- 
house of her memory the carefully 
treasured hobgoblin stories of half 
a century. As she proceeds, they 
begin to stare wildly, and gather 
close about her, as if seeking pro- 
tection from the spirits of darkness, 
which they imagine are even now T 
abroad. If the cat or a mouse stirs 
in some dark corner of the room, 
or if the wind shakes the window, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 31 

they cast fearful glances about, and 
their hair stands erect. If one of 
them should have to go a little dis- 
tance alone, after hearing these fright- 
ful stories, and you should meet him 
at the end of his journey, you would 
find him pale and breathless ; or if 
you should see him passing a lone 
graveyard after dark, you would see 
him cautiously advancing until op- 
posite the dreaded place, when he 
would bound off as though Death 
himself were at his heels. Could 
we estimate ail the painful emotions 
endured by such frightened children 
when going on errands or left alone ; 
could we know how much is endured 
by many grown-up people of nervous 
temperament as the fruit of this bad 
education ; how many hours of trem- 
bling anxiety are endured by hap- 
less mothers, necessarily left to the 
guardianship of the little ones while 



82 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

business or accident detains the hus- 
band and father, we should become 
indignant at such folly, and banish 
such practices from our houses. 

" Such modes of frightening chil- 
dren not only make them supersti- 
tious and cowardly, but have some- 
times been attended with the most 
tragical effects." The following- sad 
illustration has been given to the 
public as a well-attested fact : The 
mother of a small child was once 
employed in cleaning a school room, 
in which was a box containing money 
for some charitable or benevolent 
purpose. The child pilfered a pen- 
ny or two ; for which the mother, 
after consulting some injudicious ad- 
viser, thrust it into a dark hole 
adjoining the school room. When 
the child was taken out, its eyes 
were set glaring open, as though 
riveted to some frightful object. It 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 33 

screamed, and was constantly haunt- 
ed with the impression that some- 
thing in white was coming after it. 
Refusing to be calmed or comforted, 
it was found dead in bed, a few days 
afterward, with its eyes wildly glaring 
open. 

An English writer gives an account 
of two instances in which fatal con- 
sequences followed the strong excite- 
ment of fear. He says, " I knew, in 
Philadelphia, a child as fine, and as 
sprightly, and as intelligent, as ever 
was born, made an idiot for life by 
being, when about three years old, 
shut up in a dark closet by a maid 
servant, in order to terrify it into 
silence. The thoughtless creature 
first menaced it with sending it to 
the 'bad place,' as the phrase is, and 
at last put it into the closet, shut the 
door, and went out of the room. She 
went back in a few minutes, and 

3 



34 THE parent's friend. 

found the child in a fit. It recovered 
from that, but was an idiot for life." 
" It is not long since we read in the 
newspapers of a child's being killed 
by being thus frightened. The pa- 
rents had gone out to what is called 
an evening party : the servants had 
their party at home; and the mis- 
tress, who, by some unexpected ac- 
cident, had been brought home at an 
early hour, finding her parlour full 
of company, ran up stairs to see her 
child of two or three years old. She 
found it with its eyes open but fixed. 
Touching it, she found it inanimate. 
The doctor was sent for, but in vain ; 
it was quite dead. The maid affected 
to know nothing of the cause ; but 
some one of the persons present dis- 
covered, pinned up to the curtains of 
the bed, a horrid figure, made up 
partly of a frightful mask. This, as 
the wretched girl confessed, had been 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 35 

done to keep the child quiet while 
she was with her company below." 

I am by no means an advocate for 
introducing into the system of educa- 
tion that modern Sadduceeism which 
denies the "existence of angel or spi- 
rit;" which, to get rid of all super- 
natural influences and appearances, 
and all connection between the in- 
habitants of this world and those of 
the invisible one, denies the appear- 
ance of Moses and Elias on the 
mount of transfiguration, denies the 
ministry of angels and the existence 
of devils, and lays daring hands up- 
on the volume of inspiration itself 
I think many modern writers have 
gone as far in materialism as those 
in the other extreme have in super- 
stition. Skepticism and credulity are 
alike to be avoided. But I would 
guard against the practice of making 
children cowards by peopling dark- 



o« 



6 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

ness and cemeteries with hobgoblins 
and fairies. 

Since writing the foregoing, I have 
been pleased to find the following 
beautiful passage from the pen of 
Addison. " For my part/' says he, 
"I am apt to join in opinion with 
those who believe that all the regions 
of nature swarm with spirits ; and 
that we have multitudes of spectators 
on all our actions when we think 
ourselves most alone ; but instead of 
terrifying myself with such a notion, 
I am wonderfully pleased to think 
that I am always engaged with such 
an innumerable society in searching 
out the wonders of the creation, and 
joining in the same concert of praise 
and adoration. Milton has finely 
described this mixed communion of 
men and spirits in paradise ; and had 
doubtless his eye upon a verse in 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 37 

old Hesiod, which is almost word for 
word the same with his third line in 
the following passage : — 

' Nor think, though men were none, 
That heaven would want spectators, God want 

praise ; 
Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth 
Unseen, both when we wake and when we sleep ; 
All these with ceaseless praise his works behold 
Both day and night. How often from the steep 
Of echoing hill or thicket have we heard 
Celestial voices to the midnight air, 
Sole, or responsive each to other's note, 
Singing their great Creator 1 Oft, in bands, 
While they keep watch, or nightly rounding walk, 
With heavenly touch of instrumental sounds, 
Tn full harmonic numbers join'd, their song3 
Divide the night, and lift our thoughts to heaven.' " 



38 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER VI. 



." Tell me with whom you live, and I will tell you what you 
are." — Spanish proverb. 

In training up a family of children, 
a parent can scarcely be too solicit- 
ous concerning the company they 
keep, or the character of their asso- 
ciates. Neither can this solicitude 
begin too soon. From childhood to 
age, human beings will be like their 
associates. There is a certain un- 
definable something in man which 
infuses itself almost inevitably into 
his fellow-man when in daily and 
intimate contact. Sit an hour un- 
der a dull and uninteresting public 
speaker, or pore an hour over a dull 
monotonous book, and then attempt 
either to write or to speak : you will 
find the speaker or writer has brought 
you down near his own level; you 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 39 

have neither vigour of understanding 
nor imagination ; he has infused a 
portion of his own heavy spirit into 
you. Again, sit an hour under a 
discourse filled with valuable ideas, 
delivered with soul-inspiring fervour, 
or sit down and peruse a book bear- 
ing the impress of a vigorous under- 
standing : your intellect is sharpened, 
your feelings are aroused ; you can 
think better, write better, talk better. 
Associate with low-bred and vulgar 
persons, and you get a taint of their 
vulgarity ; associate* with the affable 
and courteous, and you improve your 
manners ; with the wise and intelli- 
gent, and you improve your intellects ; 
with the virtuous and upright, and 
your virtue takes a brighter colour- 
ing; with the devotedly pious, and 
the flame of devotion kindles. 

Now if adults are so powerfully 
influenced by their associates, how 



40 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

much greater will be the influence of 
association over children and youth ? 
The adult has by no means that 
pliancy and propensity to imitation 
which the child or youth has, and 
yet he gets a strong colouring from 
his company. How deep then must 
be the impression carried off by the 
child and youth ! Add to this, if good 
and bad associate together, the good 
are much more likely to be injured 
than the bad to be amended. There 
is an evil bias in fallen nature ; and 
after all we can do, our children will 
be bad enough. The field will yield 
wheat only with much care and cul- 
ture ; but noxious weeds will grow 
spontaneously. If you sow in the 
same field wheat and tares, the good 
will never eradicate the bad ; rather 
the whole will soon be bad. "But 
how shall I keep my children from 
improper associates?" It may be 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 4 1 

difficult; it may occasion heart-burn- 
ings in -those parents who allow their 
children in profanity and Sabbath- 
breaking ; who take little or no pains 
to improve their minds or manners, 
or cultivate their morals, for you to 
forbid association with their children ; 
but it must be done. It may be pro- 
per here to observe you should never 
forbid your children's associating with 
the children of the poor, if they are 
virtuous. Let poor but virtuous fami- 
lies, and especially their children, be 
encouraged in every possible way. 
They have bitterness and difficulties 
enough with which to struggle ; but 
let vice form the line of separation, 
whether that vice inhabit a cottage 
or a palace. 

"Many parents, who have both 
leisure and ability to instruct their 
children themselves and at home, 
through idleness or fondness for com- 



42 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

pany, send mere infants from parental 
influence, and from home, and thrust 
them into a public school/' without 
fully inquiring into its character. In 
most public schools there is danger 
of improper associations ; and moral 
and social training is very imper- 
fect. " The proper school is home ; 
the proper teacher, the parent;" the 
proper company, the family circle. 
No higher duty, except in some few 
particular cases, can devolve upon a 
parent than the training (physical, 
moral, and intellectual) of the im- 
mortal beings committed to his care. 
To present to his country, the church, 
and the world, a well-trained family — « 
is not this the highest honour, this 
the noblest field of usefulness ? 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 43 

LETTER VII. 

HOME MADE AGREEABLE. 

" Content, 
Retirement, rural quiet, friendship, books, 
Ease and alternate labour, useful life, 
Progressive virtue, and approving Heaven." 

I pursue the subject of home and 
its connections. If home is the place 
of first impressions, and if these are 
most lasting ; if home is to form the 
social affections ; if home is the place 
for moral training; and if from home 
life takes its cast and colouring ; - how 
great is the responsibility of those 
who make home what it is, — either 
irksome or pleasing ! Many children 
are driven from home because home 
has no charms — it is dull and monoto- 
nous; others by scolding — unkind looks, 
tones, and feelings — peevishness and ir- 
ritability. From home they resort to 
scenes of juvenile amusement; and 
ultimately to taverns, dram shops, 



44 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

cards, and dancing : vain and frothy 
company engrosses the hours ; extra- 
vagance, idleness, and dissipation fol- 
low : the mind lies a waste, or rather 
is overgrown with iniquit}^. Thus a 
profligate is turned off upon commu- 
nity, and the hopes of parents blight- 
ed ; nay, more than this, an immortal 
soul is ruined. Home should be the 
child and youth's earthly 'paradise. No 
place should have so many and so 
powerful charms as home. To make 
a pleasant home, there should be 
cleanliness and order, kind feelings, 
kind words, kind tones, kind looks, 
intelligent conversation and good 
books, several well-chosen miscel- 
lanies, (not too many,) exercises in 
composition, drawing, (maps, &c.,) 
and, above all, true, rational, enlight- 
ened, fervent piety. These ingredi- 
ents compounded will make a plea- 
sant home. 



THE parent's friend. 45 

The lover of music who has fol- 
lowed me thus far will say, " I per- 
ceive one capital deficiency in the 
compound ; you have left out a prin- 
cipal ingredient." Well, I confess 
my fault, and proceed to add : It is 
matter of surprise that the powerful 
charms of music, axe so seldom em- 
ployed by parents as an auxiliary 
in the cause of domestic education. 
The music of the harp, the accordion, 
the piano, the flute, and even of the 
little Canary bird in his cage, has 
its charms, which might be turned 
to account in increasing the felici- 
ties of home. But that to which I 
now refer is the music of the human 
voice, which far surpasses them all. 
Its plaintive strains calm and soothe, 
— its joyous notes enliven, cheer, and 
animate, — 'its loftier sounds elevate 
and transport. It may be made a 
powerful instrument in forming the 



46 THE PARENT'S friend. 

taste and the morals, and promoting 
devotional feelings. I may appeal to 
the experience of any parent who has 
made the experiment, and ask whe- 
ther he has not found it a very 
powerful auxiliary in " training up 
his family in the way they should 
go." 

" An excellent clergyman, possess- 
ing much knowledge of human na- 
ture, instructed his large family of 
daughters in the theory and practice 
of music. They w^ere all observed 
to be exceedingly amiable and happy. 
A friend inquired if there was any 
secret in his mode of education. He 
replied, 'When any thing disturbs 
their temper, I say, Sing ; and if I 
hear them speak against any person, 
I call them to sing to me ; and so 
they have sung away all cause of 
discontent and every disposition to 
scandal.' Young voices around the 



THE PARENT'S friend. 47 

domestic altar, breathing sacred mu- 
sic at the hour of morning and eve- 
ning devotion, are a sweet and touch- 
ing accompaniment.""* 

With how much pleasure do we 
visit those families where there are a 
number of sweet voices tuned to har- 
mony ! With what delight do we 
unite in the devotional exercises of 
that pious household where they join 
with reading the Scriptures and prayer 
the sweet songs of Zion! Why has 
this practice been so generally laid 
aside ? Why are whole families with 
fine voices allowed to grow up igno- 
rant of the science of music ? If sing- 
ing forms a considerable part of the 
employment of heaven, should it be 
neglected on earth ? I consider that 
parent seriously deficient in duty who 
neglects to have his children instruct- 
ed in the science of devotional music, 

* Mrs, Sigourney. 



48 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER VIII. 

BOOKS. 

In my last, among other things I 
named good books ; and I wish to 
resume that subject in this epistle. 
A family should no more think of 
keeping house without these than 
without food ; and wherever there 
is ability to procure it, there should 
be a family library, consisting of 
books adapted to the intellectual, 
moral, and religious improvement of 
the members. It should be also 
adapted to the age, genius, capaci- 
ties, and calling in life of those who 
are to read. There should be the 
Bible and some judicious commenta- 
ry ; religious biography ; a compend 
of ecclesiastical history ; a theological 
dictionary, and summary of the evi- 
dences, doctrines, and institutions of 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 49 

Christianity ; a system of Bible-class 
instruction; (every family should or- 
ganize itself into a Bible class ;) and 
at least one religious periodical should 
be taken. * There should be some 
of the best treatises on general sci- 
ence, and a good selection of histo- 
rical works ; a set of books on rela- 
tive duties, and as many more useful 
volumes as the familv can find mo- 
ney to purchase and time to read. In- 
fidel books, and all such writings as 
are formed upon latiiudinarian prin- 
ciples, should never be admitted. 
You might as well put poison into 
the stomach as introduce this moral 
poison into the mind. Infidelity never 
made its abetters either virtuous, mo- 
ral, useful, or happy in this world; 
and as it discards another, its princi- 

* Religious books I place first, because if religion 
be of any importance at all, it is of paramount im- 
portance. 

4 



50 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

pies, on its own ground, ought to be 
discarded. With regard to another 
numerous class of writings, namely, 
fictitious, I would speak a little more 
at length. There is a great rage for 
these writings at present. It appears 
to me there are several very weighty 
objections to them. 

1. They are so light and frothy 
(with some exceptions) as to exer- 
cise the understanding very little, 
and hence their readers frequently 
acquire a habit of mental indolence, 
and an utter aversion to the mental 
labour and patient investigation which 
religion and science require. Hence 
solid studies and sober realities are 
considered dull and insipid. 

2. By far the larger portion of them 
contain distorted and perverted views 
of human nature, oft visionary crea- 
tions of a glowing fancy, and anon 
the mere " daubings of a caricature." 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 51 

Can such perverted views be other- 
wise than pernicious ? 

3. If a moral be intended, (or pre- 
tended,) we yet become, in the pro- 
gress of the story, so familiar with 
vice, arrayed in its most gaudy colours, 
and painted in its most captivating 
forms, that the moral is more than 
overbalanced by the influence of the 
vicious company we are obliged so 
long to keep. Who can say his mind 
has been left as free from taint, his 
imagination as pure, after finishing 
as when he commenced his novel* 
reading ? 

" We are, at the present day," says 
Dr. Hawes, " flooded with miscellany^ 
overrun with light fugitive publica- 
tions, which so engage the time and 
attention of our people that they have 
no time, in many cases no disposition, 
to read any thing else. Works of 
solid thought and substantial merit 



52 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

are disrelished and thrown away, 
while a constant insatiable demand 
is made for what is light and super- 
ficial. Let every man who would 
not form the worst mental habits, 
and deprive himself of all real ad- 
vantage from reading, guard most 
assiduously against this vicious taste. 
It prevents all deep moral feeling, 
and all improvement in useful know- 
ledge. These remarks apply, in all 
their force, to the reading of novels. 
I will not take it upon me to say 
there is not here and there a single 
volume to be found in this class of 
writings which it would be safe and 
profitable to read : but where there 
is one of this character there are 
hundreds and thousands of a directly 
opposite tendency; and to make a 
proper selection, in the midst of so 
much trash and poison, is so difficult, 
especially to young and inexperienced 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 53 

persons, that he acts most wisely, in 
my opinion, who inscribes upon this 
whole class of books, 'Touch not, 
taste not, handle not' No habitual 
reader of novels can love the Bible, 
or love any other book that demands 
thought, or inculcates the serious 
duties of life. No man need be so 
burdened with life as to squander it 
away in poring over the dreams of 
fiction." 

Cow r per's opinion of novels may be 
found in the following lines : — 

" Ye writers of what none with safety reads, 
Footing it in the dance which Fancy leads; 
Ye novelists, who mar what ye should mend, 
Sniv'ling and driv'ling folly without end ; 
Whose corresponding misses fill the ream 
With sentimental frippery and dream ; 
Who, kindling a combustion of desire, 
With some cold moral think to quench the fire" 

Robert Hall urges this most valid 
and very weighty objection : " They 
withdraw the sympathies from real 



54 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

objects of distress to those which 
have no existence but in the ima- 
gination; so that persons may often 
be found weeping over the dreams 
of fancy contained in a novel or a 
romance, who, nevertheless, have 
very little or no sympathy for the 
needy and suffering." 

That fiction may be made a ve- 
hicle for truth, and that many per- 
sons would read a lively tale with a 
good moral who would throw aside 
a more serious book containing the 
same moral lesson, it would be folly 
to deny ; but we are obliged to judge 
of works of fiction as they are, not 
as they should be. Allowing, then, 
that a part of them (and can any 
one say it is not the smaller part?) 
are of a salutary tendency, yet we 
are to inquire, — Is it not extremely 
difficult, particularly for young per- 
sons, to select the good and leave the 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 55 

bad? If they commence with the 
good, will they stop there ? And, 
finally, is history so barren of inci- 
dent, or chaste and elevated poetry 
so scarce, are moralists and essayists 
so few, and science and theology so 
dull, that young persons need be en- 
couraged, at the most critical time of 
life, the time when their characters 
are forming, to encounter the dangers 
attendant upon novel-reading 2 

Before I dismiss the subject of 
books, I would commend to your 
special attention that most excellent 
class the Sunday-school books. To 
furnish children and youth with safe, 
useful, interesting, small, and cheap 
books was long a desideratum. Such 
as Blue Beard, Jack the Giant-killer, 
&c, intended only to amuse, used to 
be almost the only ones introduced 
into the nursery. If a parent entered 
a bookstore to purchase for his chil- 



56 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

dren, it was seldom he was fortunate 
enough to find such as any judicious 
parent would deem most desirable. 
A large book would frighten away 
the juvenile mind by its size. Too 
elevated a style or profound a subject 
w r ould render it unintelligible. A 
book of fictitious stories or trifles 
could, at best, do little more than 
amuse. If a few proper ones were 
found, there was not sufficient variety. 
Add to this, a book must be read 
through to learn its character. Now 
I apprehend the intelligent and virtu- 
ous part of community are satisfied 
that the books furnished by the vari- 
ous Sunday-school societies are gene- 
rally both safe and highly useful. 
Nor are these books by any means 
inferior in point of intelligence and 
literature. They are the fruits of 
some of the first pens of the age, and 
contain the wisdom of ages imbodied 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 57 

and simplified ; and above all, a large 
proportion of them are Scriptural, im- 
bued with "the wisdom from above/' 
and worthy of perusal, not only by 
children and youth, but by parents 
themselves. 

In closing this epistle, allow me 
to remind you of the importance of 
exercising a strict supervision over 
the reading of the rising members of 
your family; not only by choosing 
or seeing that they choose books of a 
strictly moral and religious tendency, 
but also by seeing that these books 
are read and remembered. You will 
not, I hope, suppose you have per- 
formed your duty when you have 
barely put books into their hands. 
To fasten an impression, the mind 
needs line upon line and precept 
upon precept. You will need to set 
apart a portion of time every week 
(better do so every day) in which to 



58 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

ask questions upon the subjects on 
which they have been reading, make 
comments, particularly note impor- 
tant passages, and deeply imprint 
important truths, that you may make 
your family really what it should be : 
— a school of moral, intellectual, and 
religious instruction. You may say, 
"But I have not time for all this.'- 
Are you not mistaken ? Do not most 
persons spend as much time every 
day in idle and profitless conversa- 
tion as would be required for such 
an exercise ? 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 50 

LETTER IX. 

TRUTH. 

" Dare to be true ; no fault can need a lie : 
The fault that needs it most grows two thereby." 

I trust you are not unaware of 
the importance of the early inculca- 
tion of moral principles. One of the 
first to be impressed is a strict regard 
to truth. A universal disregard to 
truth would be the destruction of all 
we hold dear — political, moral, and 
religious. Confidence would be de- 
stroyed; oaths and courts would be 
nothing ; property, liberty, and life 
would be a prey to every invader. 
If such w r ould be the consequences 
of a universal disregard to truth in 
all, a partial disregard to truth in 
some must be proportionately mis- 
chievous. Add to this the subversion 
of moral principle in the individual 
himself, and the awfully ruinous state 



60 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

of mind induced thereby. Against 
no vice has the divine Being uttered 
a more fearful denunciation than he 
has against falsehood : — " All liars 
shall have their part in the lake that 
burnetii with fire and brimstone." A 
habit of falsehood generally com- 
mences in childhood. The sinful 
bias of our fallen nature doubtless 
prompts to this as to other sins ; yet 
early mismanagement comes in for 
its full share of conducing to this 
most fearful habit. 

1. Parents frequently practise dis- 
simulation with their children in sport 
and otherwise. The following anec- 
dote of the late Robert Hall may 
illustrate this point : Once, while he 
was spending an evening at the house 
of a friend, a lady who was there on 
a visit retired, that her little girl, of 
four years old, might go to bed. She 
returned in about half an hour, and 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 61 

said to a lady near her, "She is gone 
to sleep. I put on my nightcap and 
lay down by her, and she soon drop- 
ped off." Mr. Hall, who overheard 
this, said, "Excuse me, madam — do 
you wish your child to grow up a 
liar?" "O dear! no sir; I should 
be shocked at such a thing." " Then 
bear with me w T hile I say you must 
never act a lie before her: children 
are very quick observers, and soon 
learn that that which assumes to be 
what it is not is a lie, whether acted 
or spoken." 

2. Parents threaten, but do not per- 
form. The Rev. James Wood, one 
of the oldest ministers in the Wes- 
leyan connection, has a son named 
Robert, who now is also a minister 
in that connection. When Robert 
was a little boy, a lady said to him, 
" Robert, you have a good father." 
"Yes," replied Robert, "but he told 



62 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

a lie once." " Told a lie, my son — 
how?" "He said he would whip me, 
but did not do it," replied the young 
moralist. 

3. Parents frighten their children 
with lying stories of calling for the 
bears, cutting off their ears, sending 
for the doctor to bleed them, &c. 

4. Older children of the same fami- 
ly, domestics, and improper associates 
teach them falsehoods in many w^ays. 

5. Cruel parents drive children to 
falsehood by undue severity. 

6. Many parents culpably neglect 
guarding against the commencement 
of this vice or attempting its cure. 

Would you have your children 
speak truth?— -impress their minds 
with its nature and its importance : 
pardon a fault which is ingenuously 
confessed ; but be sure to punish wil- 
ful, repeated lying—and severely, if 
need be. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND, 63 



LETTER X. 

HONESTY. 
'■ I've not a farthing gotten by deceit." 

Another important principle that 
we should early and perseveringly 
inculcate is strict honesty. Children 
very early exhibit the workings of 
selfishness : selfishness leads them to 
evasion and dissimulation, and to tres- 
pass upon the rights of their brothers 
and sisters or playmates, either by ar- 
tifice or force. In this, their display 
of shrewdness, especially when quite 
young, often calls forth a smile of 
approbation from fond but misguided 
parents. Thus, instead of checking 
the evil, they nurture it and increase 
its force. In addition to this, parents 
frequently do not themselves respect 
the rights of their juvenile claimants.* 

* The following anecdote, which is an extract 



64 THE parent's friend. 

What one has been taught to con- 
sider as his property becomes an ob- 
ject of desire to one perhaps younger: 
the older refuses to give up what he 
regards as his ; the parent interposes 
and obliges him to yield. Thus a 
pernicious precedent is set. The pa- 
rent does not respect the rights of the 
child ; but, having power, forces him 

from Mr. Wilderspin's " Infant Education," will 
serve excellently well to illustrate this particular 
point : — 

' The Whistle. Many of the children were in the 
habit of bringing marbles, tops, whistles, and other 
toys to school, which often caused much disturb- 
ance. I found it necessary to forbid the children's 
bringing any thing of the kind. After giving no- 
tice two or three times in the school, I told them 
if any of them brought such things they would be 
taken from them. In consequence, several things 
fell into my hands, which I did not always think of 
returning : and among other things, a whistle from 
a little boy. The child asked me for it as he was 
going home, but having several visiters at the time, 
I put the child off, telling him not to plague me, and 
he went home. I had forgotten the circumstance 
altogether, but it appears the child had not ; for, 






THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 65 

to give up his property. An occasion 
offers, and lie follows parental prece- 
dent : and, having power, forces one 
younger than himself or possessing 
less physical force, to give up some- 
thing which had become an object of 
desire to him. Again, as children be- 
come older, they hear of speculations, 

some time after^ when I was lecturing the children 
on the necessity of telling truth, and the wickedness 
•of stealing, the little fellow approached me and said, 
u Please, sir, you stole my whistle" " Stole your 
whistle!" said I: "did I not give it you again?" 
" No, teacher ; I asked you for it, but you would 
not give it to me." I stood self-convicted, being 
accused in the middle of my lecture, before all the 
children, and really at a loss to know what excuse 
to make ; for I had mislaid the whistle, and. could 
not restore it to the child. I immediately gave the 
child a halfpenny, and did all I could to persuade 
the children it was not my intention to keep it. 
This trifling mistake of mine did more harm than 
I was able to repair in some time ; for, if we wish 
to teach children to be honest, we should never take 
any thing from them without returning it again. 
This story shows how necessary it is to teach by 
example as well as precept.* 

5 



66 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

(not always justifiable,) and of "good 
bargains f and all this is told with 
much vivacity ; the eye sparkles, the 
countenance assumes an aspect of 
self-gratulation, the tones of the voice 
are such as give the affair an appear- 
ance of consequence. Thus the little 
listener sits by, all attention, while 
the narrator is rejoicing over his good 
bargain. Now it happens that these 
good bargains are not always good 
on both sides ; and while one party is 
rejoicing the other is lamenting. But 
nothing of this is named by the suc- 
cessful trafficker. Meanwhile the lit- 
tle hearts begin to beat with selfish- 
ness, and they begin to plan for some 
fine speculations with their little com- 
panions. To compass their ends, a 
little evasion, colouring, and dissimu- 
lation are requisite. Thus, finally, 
overreaching, fraud, lying, oppres- 
sion, hard-heartedness, and grinding 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 67 

the poor, are the result of these small 
but pernicious beginnings. 

To save your children from such 
results, be strictly honest yourself; 
point out to them the effects of integ- 
rity on the one hand, and dishonesty 
on the other. Above all, point them 
to the great day of reckoning, when 
all accounts must be settled ; and re- 
mind them that when death removes 
them thev cannot come back to rec- 
tify mistakes. Remind them also that 
a part of repentance is restitution, 
and that God will never forgive their 
sins and save them while they hold 
the wages of unrighteousness in their 
possession. 



68 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER XI. 

THE SABBATH. 

The proper observance of the Sab- 
bath is a matter of great moment to 
the young : no one institution exerts 
a happier efficiency, whether viewed 
in its political, moral, or religious 
bearings. It powerfully conduces to 
a healthful tone of public morals. It 
is the day when vice is publicly held 
up — 

" A monster of so frightful mien 
That, to be hated, needs but to be seen ;" 

when the cause of virtue is publicly 
pleaded, commended, and enforced. It 
is the day when the poor man ceases 
from his toil ; but for which he must 
sink under unmitigated and long-pro- 
tracted burdens. It is the day when 
he lays aside his instruments of ser- 
vitude, and goes to the house of wor- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 69 

ship on an equality with his em- 
ployers ; " the rich and poor meet 
together, — the -Lord is the maker of 
them all." The Sabbath is indeed 
a grand equalizing institution. On 
this day men assemble in the same 
temple, to hear the same truths from 
the same source, and to learn that all 
souls are the Lord's; that wealth and 
titles are of little value ; that virtue 
is ennobling, though in a peasant, 
and vice infamous, though in a prince. 
On this day the oppressor, with his 
"bag of deceitful weights, his unjust 
balance, his scant measures, his plans 
for robbing the widow and orphan, 
and oppressing the hireling in his 
wages," is referred to a day when the 
righteous Judge shall sit in judgment 
on his soul, and his recorded deeds 
of infamy shall be as so many mill- 
stones about his neck to sink him 
into irremediable wo, On this day 



70 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

the mind is trained up to love and 
charity, integrity and honour, be- 
neficence and forgiveness. 

" There is something in the very act 
of ceasing from worldly occupations, 
on this holy day, and repairing with 
the people of God to worship him 
in the sanctuary, which wonderfully 
tends to form and strengthen all good 
habits, and to adorn the character 
with the charms of a fair and lovely 
virtue. No habitual Sabbath-breaker 
can be permanently prosperous. He 
has thrown away the greatest safe- 
guard of virtue and happiness, and is 
constantly exposed to all those habits 
and vices which will ruin him, both 
for this world and for that which is 
to come. Lord Chief Justice Hale 
remarks that of all the persons who 
were convicted of capital crime while 
he w^as on the bench, he found only 
a few who would not confess that; 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 7 I 

tfeey began their career of wicked- 
ness by a neglect of the duties of the 
Sabbath, and by vicious conduct on 
that day."* 

The Rev. D. Ruell, chaplain of 
Middlesex county prison, England, 
said that during twenty years he had 
come in contact with a hundred thou- 
sand prisoners ; and that, on examina- 
tion, he ascertained that every one 
of them had been a Sabbath-breaker. 
He also states that he never knew 
a convicted felon at Newgate who, 
upon inquiry, did not turn out to have 
been a notorious Sabbath-breaker. 

The estimation in which the Sab- 
bath was held by the venerated Wash- 
ington may be learned from the fol- 
lowing incident: — "In the town of 

— , in Connecticut, where the roads 

were extremely rough, Washington 
was overtaken by night, on Satur- 

* Ilawes's Lectures to Young Men. 



72 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

day, not being able to reach the town 
where he designed to rest on the 
Sabbath. Next morning, about sun- 
rise, his coach was harnessed, and 
he was proceeding onward to an inn 
near the place of worship which he 
proposed to attend. A plain man, 
who was an informing officer, came 
from a cottage, and inquired of the 
coachman whether there were any 
urgent reasons for his travelling on 
the Lord's day. The general, instead 
of resenting this, as an impertinent 
rudeness, ordered the coachman to 
stop, and with great civility explained 
the circumstances to the officer, com- 
mended him for his fidelity ', and as- 
sured him that nothing was farther 
from his intention than to treat with 
disrespect the laws and usages of 
Connecticut relative to the Sabbath, 
which met with Ms most cordial appro- 
bation" 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 73 

" ' I have particularly noticed,' ob- 
served a merchant of high standing, 
'that those merchants in New- York 
who have kept their counting rooms 
open on the Sabbath, during my resi- 
dence there, (twenty-five years,) have 
failed without exception.' "* 

Let parents, then, by all they hold 
dear, enjoin upon their children to 
"remember the Sabbath day, to keep 
it holy/' 

* Hawes's Lectures to Young Men, 



74 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 



LETTER XII. 

KINDNESS AND BENEVOLLNCE. 

" Who can all sense of others' ills escape 
Is but, at best, a brute in human shape." 

The cultivation of kind and be- 
nevolent feelings should deeply inte- 
rest every parent. A propensity to 
cruelty very early manifests itself in 
human nature. Tormenting insects, 
worrying domestic animals, teasing 
and vexing brothers and sisters — such 
are its exhibitions ; and, unrestrained, 
it leads to the most serious conse- 
quences — blunting the moral sensi- 
bilities and hardening the heart. Let 
that parent who would not wish cru- 
elty transferred from brute animals to 
himself, and especially in the decline 
of life when he may be dependant, 
be vigilant and persevering in im- 
pressing lessons of tenderness, re- 
straining cruelty, and awakening in 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 75 

the heart of his child feelings of kind- 
ness toward every living creature. 

The greatest and best of men have 
been remarkable for the interest they 
have taken even in the brute tribes, 
and they in turn have shown for their 
benefactors a peculiar and confiding 
gratitude. 

Dr. Clarke, in a letter to his sons, 
says, " I have thus, my dear lads, 
given you an account of my safe ar- 
rival at home ; and I may now add 
that not only your mother, and sis- 
ters, and brother were glad to see 
me, but also my poor animals in the 
field, for I lost no time in going to 
visit them. I found the donkey lame, 
and her son looking much like a phi- 
losopher. It w r as strange that even 
the bullock, whom we call Pat, came 
to me in the field, and held out his 
most honest face for me to stroke it. 
The next time I went to him, he 



76 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

came running- up, and actually placed 
his two fore feet upon my shoulders, 
with all the affection of a spaniel: 
but it was a load of kindness I could 
ill bear, for the animal is nearly three 
years old. I soon got his feet dis- 
placed. Strange and uncouth as this 
manifestation of affectionate gratitude 
was, yet with it the master and his 
steer Pat w T ere equally well pleased : 
so here is a literal comment on ' The 
ox knoweth his owner,' and you see 
I am ' in league with even the beasts 
of the field.'" 

Cowper, that sweet and unexcep- 
tionable poet, has left us this beauti- 
ful and feeling sentiment, which is 
worthy of being deeply engraven on 
the heart of every child : — 

"I would not enter on my list of friends 
(Though graced with polishM manners and fine 

sense, 
Yet wanting sensibility) the man 
Who needlessly sets foot upon a worm." 



THE parent's friend. 77 

Nearly allied to kindness of feeling 
is the spirit of benevolence: — the 
spirit which has organized the Bible, 
missionary, tract, Sunday-school, and 
temperance societies ; the spirit which 
has reared asylums for the deaf and 
dumb — for the orphan and the stran- 
ger ; which is diffusing useful know- 
ledge through all ranks of society; 
which is destined to beat " the sword 
into a ploughshare, the spear into a 
pruning hook," and to be the chief 
instrument in civilizing and Chris- 
tianizing the world. Let me not be 
understood to assert that any thing 
less than the power of the gospel is 
to achieve these glorious moral vic- 
tories. But the spirit of the gospel 
is the spirit of benevolence, and it is 
the privilege of Christian parents to 
be engaged in the Christian work of 
imparting a Christian education ; and 
on such a labour of love they have a 



7S THE parent's friend. 

Scriptural warrant to expect the di- 
vine blessing. 

Do you desire then that your child 
should be benevolent? — use all the 
means to make him so. Take him by 
the hand when yon go to the hut of 
poverty, and show him the suffering 
of the destitute. Here is the orphan 

" For whom no mother's bosom 
Throbs to soft sympathy and fond alarm ;" 

and there the 

" Hapless widow, forced in age for bread 
To strip the brook with mantling cresses spread, 
To pick her wintry fagot from the thorn, 
Then seek her nightly shed and weep till morn." 

Awaken his pity for the sick man 
who lies upon *a couch of straw, des- 
titute of the comforts of life : let him 
witness your example in affording re- 
lief. Point out to him the condition of 
the nations and tribes without a Bible, 
without a church-, without a school, 
without a book, without civilization, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 79 

without religion. While his heart 
pities others, can he fail to see more 
clearly, by the contrast, his own pri- 
vileges? can he fail, to prize them 
more — to be more grateful to G od for 
them ? 

" Dear native land, how do the good and wise 
Thy happy clime and countless blessings prize!" 

Those children who are taught to 
interest themselves in missionary in- 
stitutions, Bible societies, &c, know 
more of the blessings of a free go- 
vernment, a civilized land, a Chris- 
tian country, and of education, than 
those who are not. They will make 
better patriots and philanthropists, 
better citizens and happier men — nay, 
they will be far more likely to make 
genuine Christians. What dying pa- 
rent would not leave the world with 
more composure, if his young son 
had become a member of the tem- 
perance society, taken an interest in 



80 THE PARENTIS FRIEND. 

the benevolent operations of the day, 
and gone every Sabbath to the Sab- 
bath school 1 * If a parent wish to 
give an annual amount to any bene- 
volent object, let him not do it alone, 
but let his wife give a part, and each 
child a part : this will awaken inte- 
rest, and prepare the child to take 
the parent's place in doing good 
when the parent shall be no more. 

* It is stated, as an interesting fact, that of five 
hundred and seven individuals who, in 1834, were 
preparing for the gospel ministry, at the different 
seminaries in the United States, three hundred and 
twelve had been pupils in Sabbath schools. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 8 1 

LETTER XIII. 

INDUSTRY. 

The subject of this letter shall be 
industry. In this, as in all other mat- 
ters relating to education, you should 
begin early. A child two yea** old 
cannot make a watch, but he can 
begin to acquire habits oi industry. 
He can roll a ball, dra^ a little sled 
or wagon, or make marks on a slate 
with a pencil, or walk with you in 
the garden ; and when a little older 
he can set up a chair, bring in a 
stick of wood, and learn his a b c. 
Now let him begin to be active and 
busy : — his chest will expand, his 
limbs gain strength, his muscles at- 
tain firmness and elasticity, his appe- 
tite be keen ; he will learn to use his 
hands and feet and to help himself, 
and at the same time be acquiring 

6 



82 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

a habit of activity. Idleness is the 
bane of health, the bane of morals,* 
and the bane of enjoyment. 

" The sedentary stretch their lazy length 
When custom bids, but no refreshment find : 
* * * the languid eye, the cheek 
Deserted of its bloom, the flaccid, shrunk, 
A»d wither'd muscle, and the vapid soul 
Reproach their owner with that love of rest 
To which he forfeits e'en the rest he loves." 

If you do not find something harm- 
less and useful for children to do, 
they will find something mischievous 
and immoral. " An idle man's brain," 
says Bunyan, "is Satan's work shop f 
and Watts says, 

" Satan finds some mischief still 
For idle hands to do/ 1 

If Providence has placed you and 
your children above the necessity of 

* The patriotic Hollanders, in the prosperous 
days of their republic, were so well aware of the 
indispensable necessity of industry, as promotive of 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 83 

working for a livelihood, he has not 
placed you or them above the moral 
obligation to be engaged in some 
"useful pursuit, or above the dangers 
treading on the heels of idleness. 

Look at that creature with palsied 
limbs, bloated visage, and idiot stare. 
How came he thus? Why, a few 

good morals and national prosperity, and as pre- 
ventive of crime, that they enacted a law of this 
import :— That if any person were found without 
regular employ, and could give no good account 
of himself, he should be taken up by the civil au- 
thorities and put to work. If he refused, they put 
him into a box so constructed that he had only 
room to stand and work. Water was then intro- 
duced into the box through apertures large enough 
to let it in just as fast as he could pump it out. The 
pump handle was within his reach, and he might 
work or drown. It is said the device was so effect- 
ual in the cure of indolence that few persons ever 
tried the pump a second time. 

It was a law among the Athenians, " that those 
who had been brought up to no employ by their 
parents should not be obliged to keep them if they 
came to want in their old age," which all other 
(legitimate) children were. 



84 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

years since lie used to saunter about 
the streets, and sit down in the dram 
shop. He had nothing else to do. He 
sipped and sipped again : you see the 
rest. There sits by his side a savage 
gamester — a libertine and a vagrant. 
What is his history? Having no- 
thing to do when a boy, he used to 
idle away the time at gaming houses. 
Thus he was initiated;— thus com- 
menced his fondness for gaming. 
Yonder county jail contains a man 
awaiting the gallows. Go learn his 
history — idleness, bad company, rob- 
bery, murder. 



THE parent's friend. 85 

LETTER XIV. 

PROFANITY. 

u They fix attention, heedless of your pain, 
With oaths like rivets forced into your brain ; 
And e'en when sober truth prevails throughout, 
They swear it till affirmance breeds a doubt." 

Temptation to profanity, a most 
common but senseless and pernicious 
evil, almost every where assails the 
young. Our very atmosphere is pol- 
luted with blasphemy : cursing in the 
streets and in the tavern, in the field, 
in the shop, and at the school; curs- 
ing from passion, and (O tell it not 
in Gath !) cursing for display. 

"A man," says Saurin, "sets up for 
a wit in conversation ; he pretends to 
conciliate the esteem of his company, 
and affects to put on the air of a man 
of the world, free from the stiffness 
of pedants. This man, I say, having 
taken into his head this design, and 
being unable to derive the means of 



86 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

succeeding from his genius or educa- 
tion, calls in the aid of oaths. Of 
these, he keeps various forms, and 
applies them instead of reasons ; hav- 
ing the folly to imagine that an oath 
artfully placed at the end of a period 
renders it more impressive and polite, 
and judging of the taste of his hearers 
by his own, inwardly applauds him- 
self, and wonders what heart can 
resist the power of his eloquence. " 

" Religion, reason, virtue, common sense 
Pronounce his human forms a false pretence ; 
A mere disguise in which a demon lurks, 
Who yet betrays his secret by his works." 

It is not, however, against gross 
sw r earing alone that the unsuspecting 
youth should be forewarned, but like- 
wise against those intermediate steps 
which lead the way; against all light 
and irreverent use of the name of the 
supreme Being, and against all pro- 
fane exclamations. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 87 



LETTER XV. 

TEMPERANCE. 

"All kinds of ill 
Did with the liquor slide into his veins.'* 

In this letter I purpose making a 
few observations on the subject of 
temperance. Temperance is a word 
of much significance. The temper- 
ance of the gospel is temperance in 
food— taking that kind and quantity 
which is most conducive to health of 
body and purity of soul ; temperance 
in drinks, in labour, in sleep, in the 
passions, in language, in every thing. 
Intemperance in food generates gout, 
asthma, dyspepsy, and a host of other 
diseases, brutalizes a man and shortens 
his days ; intemperance in sleep mur- 
ders time and health ; intemperance 
in labour and intemperate passions 
bring on premature old age. But the 
most common and ruinous intemper- 



88 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

ance is that of the bottle. In this, 
custom,* appetite, interest, and igno- 
rance have combined to throw around 

* The following fact (only one among thousands) 
may serve as illustrative of the fatal consequences 
resulting from that most pernicious custom, — keep- 
ing intoxicating drinks in our houses as a beverage : 
" A young man of fine talents, an only son, finished 
his collegiate course with honour, studied with a 
distinguished lawyer, was admitted to practice, and 
commenced his career with fair prospects of wealth 
and distinction; but his love for wine and brandy 
soon lured him from his office, his ambition flagged, 
and drunkard was written upon his forehead, when, 
one stormy evening, as he was attempting to go home 
from the dram shop opposite his father's house, he 
fell in the street, a carriage ran over him and sepa- 
rated a. portion of scalp from the scull. In this con- 
dition, covered with blood and filth, he was carried 
to his father, who fainted on seeing him, and was 
taken from the room. A surgeon soon arrived, found 
the w r ound severe and mortal, dressed it, and after 
a sound sleep the young man recovered his senses. 
In the morning his agonized father entered the room, 
and exclaimed, ' My son ! where did you learn to be 
a drunkard V 'At your own sideboard,'' replied the 
son. ' When I was a child, you always kept ardent 
spirit, gave it to your friends, drank it yourself, and 
often gave it to me; and thus I learned to love it.' " 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 89 

the voung the most dangerous snares. 
Decanters, arrayed at the windows of 
a thousand dram shops, filled " with 
various and varying-coloured liquors, 
from the crystal gin to the blushing 
crimson wind" tempt the eye of the 
inexperienced youth, and numerous 
ingeniously devised mixtures tempt 
his palate. 0, warn ! w^arn ! ! warn ! ! ! 
your children against touching, tast- 
ing-, or handling. Point them to the 
" woes, the babblings, redness of eyes, 
contentions, w T ounds without cause f 
— to the pauperisms, to the quarrels, 
to the bloated visages, to the ruined 
intellects ; — to the families it distracts, 
to the dungeons it fills, to the blood 
it sheds, to the gallows it erects, and 
to the miserable eternity it peoples. 
Teach them total, total abstinence, 
and advise the speedy enrolment of 
their names upon the temperance 
records, 



90 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER XVI. 

METHOD. OF CONVEYING INSTRUCTION. 

" Mixing instruction with delight." 

The best method of conveying in- 
struction is a question of great im- 
portance. If it be dogmatical and 
dictatorial, it will be repulsive ; if 
didactic and monotonous, it will be 
uninteresting. Perhaps something of 
an indirect method of conveying truth, 
whether scientific, moral, or religious, 
is best, especially at that age in which 
the mind is more directly under pa- 
rental influence. By indirect instruc- 
tion, I mean that which introduces 
topics incidentally, which seizes upon 
accidental occurrences, which raises 
questions and elicits answers. 

To illustrate :- — Suppose you wish 
to impress the mind of a child with 
kindness toward the animal creation, 
— the fowls, quadrupeds, or the insect 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 9 1 

tribes ; just then you hear the report 
of a gun, and, looking about, see a 
wanton boy who for sport has shot a 
robin, which falls, fluttering and bleed- 
ing, at his feet. Now is your time 
for impressing a moral lesson. The 
beauty of its plumage, the sweetness 
of its notes, its affection for its mate 
and young, its utility in destroying 
the insects that prey upon gardens 
and trees, the young birds perhaps 
left to starve, the mourning of its 
mate, the many that are wounded by 
wanton sportsmen, and not instantly 
killed, but left to linger out days of 
pain : all these reflections so naturally 
arise, and are so much in point, that 
they cannot fail to inspire sentiments 
of humanity and an abhorrence of 
cruelty. 

A poor, half-starved horse goes by 
with an inhuman driver applying the 
whip at every step. Now you have 



92 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

a fruitful theme — the beauty, spright- 
liness, docility, and usefulness of the 
animal in his prime. The overdriving, 
overloading, and whipping ; the cold 
storms he has faced ; the snowdrifts 
through which he has borne his chilled 
master ; and old age, have worn him 
down : and now starvation and abuse 
are his reward. 

In passing an ant hill, you may ex- 
patiate on the industry, perseverance, 
and government which those wonder- 
ful little insects exhibit; and the skill, 
forethought, industry, economy, and 
good government of a beehive will 
seldom fail to inspire respect, and 
sentiments of humanity toward crea- 
tures which ignorance would deem 
insignificant. 

You wish to impress a lesson con- 
cerning the wisdom, power, and be- 
nevolence of the supreme Being; 
well, gather the little flock around 



THE PARENT'S friend. 93 

you for a walk, and climb some plea- 
sant hill 

" While the ruddy morning's smiling, 
And the groves to bliss beguiling, 
Zephyrs through the woodland playing, 
Streams along the valley straying." 

Yonder towering mountain, or spread- 
ing landscape, or brilliant sun will 
furnish you a text from which to 
I demonstrate his power. The green 
trees upon the mountain's side, fur- 
nishing timber for the erection of 
buildings, for furniture, and many 
other useful purposes ; yonder fields 
of waving grain for food, or meadows 
I of grass for the pasture of cattle, 
j or for their supply in winter ; the 
[caverns in yonder mountain, form- 
! ing reservoirs of water to supply the 
| bubbling springs and gentle rivulets ; 
! yonder river, where the Almighty 
himself has formed a highway for 
the heaviest burdens to be wafted 



94 THE parent's friend. 

with ease, and which also furnishes 
a power to turn the ponderous ma- 
chinery of various mills : all these 
things and a thousand others will 
furnish you with just the proof and 
illustration you want of his wisdom 
and goodness. 






THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 95 

LETTER XVII. 

PARENTAL CONDESCENSION. 

While the parent is endeavouring 
to raise the child up to the level of a 
man, he must often stoop toward the 
level of the boy. 

" He will not blush that has a father's heart, 
To take in childish plays a childish part ; 
But bend his sturdy back to any toy 
That youth takes pleasure in to please his boy." 

The following is a pleasing illus- 
tration of this sentiment : The minis- 
ter of state, coming into the apartment 
of Louis XV, of France, found the mo- 
narch upon his hands and feet, with 
the young prince mounted on his back. 
"Monsieur," said the king to the mi- 
nister, " are you a father V- " Yes, sire," 
was the reply. " Well," said Louis, 
"then let us have out the frolic." 

Let the parent read with the child ; 



96 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

spell, parse, and recite with him ; be 
a scholar with him ; and go down to 
boyhood to accompany his son up to 
manhood. 

In an evening family conversation, 
while the child is taught to treat his 
elders with respectful deference, and 
is guarded against undue forward- 
ness, let him still take a part. At 
other times, when the family spend 
an evening in company, while some 
are at work, let one read aloud. This 
wdll convey useful information to all, 
improve all in that most useful ac- 
complishment the art of reading, (for 
each may read in turn, the hearers 
remarking upon the excellences and 
defects of the one engaged,) and it 
will store their minds with useful 
knowledge. Thus the young will be 
prepared for admission into intelligent 
society. The mind will have a fund 
for profitable and delightful conversa- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 97 

tion, and there will be no need of 
falling into those most detestable but 
common vices of empty minds— gos- 
siping, tale-hearing, evil-speaking, and 
scandal. 

Very great advantage may be de- 
rived from the practice of putting the 
thoughts upon paper, — -commencing 
in early life, and continuing it as a 
regular exercise. The parent may 
enter into a correspondence with the 
child on various topics. The advan- 
tages will be- — improvement in the 
art of writing (no trifling accomplish- 
ment) and the habit of expressing the 
thoughts methodically, and with ease 
and elegance. Instruction may thus 
be conveyed by the parent in a man- 
ner most impressive. The mind of 
the youth will be awakened to a con- 
sciousness of its own powers, and the 
search for truth will acquire a new 
zest. 

7 



98 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER XVIII. 

PHYSICAL TRAINING. 

I have hitherto dwelt chiefly on 
government, and the improvement of 
the mental and moral faculties. I will 
devote this letter to physical training. 
The intimate connection of mind and 
matter, in our present state, makes 
this subject of great importance. Of 
how much advantage soever a tho- 
rough mental and moral training may 
be to a person's own self, his acquire- 
ments can be of but little service to 
others if he is destitute of health: 
besides, he is also cut off from the 
enjoyment of most of the blessings 
of this life. And if health be lost in 
childhood or youth, an insurmount- 
able obstacle would be in the way of 
the cultivation of his own mind :— so 
essential is a vigorous body to our 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 99 

individual improvement and to our 
usefulness. 

i Now cleanliness, correct diet, pro- 
per clothing, exercise, and cheerful 
spirits constitute the chief elixir of 
health. To perceive the indispens- 
able necessity of cleanliness, nothing 
more is necessary than a bare know- 
ledge of the fact that about three- 
fifths of the food taken into the sto- 
mach pass off, by insensible perspira- 
tion, through the pores of the skin. 
Let these be closed by the clammy 
coat* which collects on the skin, from 
neglect to cleanse it or to change the 
raiment, and a mass of noxious mat- 
ter is thrown back upon the system, 
by means of the absorbing vessels, 
and carried into the different parts 
of the body to generate disease. 

The following extract respecting 
small children is very well worthy 
the consideration of every parent: — 



100 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

" Often for want of time, and more 
often for want of thought, poor little 
children are left without being well 
washed and attended to ; and finding 
themselves uncomfortable, they fret 
and cry, and are too often severely 
punished when not really naughty, 
and when perhaps the application of 
a little cold water would make them 
easy. Putting children clean to bed 
is desirable ; for sleeping with dirty 
face and hands and feet is not only 
unwholesome, but in the end occa- 
sions the mother (if she has any love 
for cleanliness) more work." 

" To be brought up in the midst of 
uncleanliness and disorder not only 
makes children untidy and slovenly, 
but often proves the means of cor- 
rupting their minds and degrading 
their morals." Impurity of person 
and slovenliness in dress may most 
readily transfer a pernicious influence 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 101 

to the mind. Doubtless because of 
the tendency of cleanliness to pro- 
mote health, and more especially be- 
cause of its connection with moral 
purity, it is so expressly spoken of in 
the scriptures of the Old Testament, 
Diet is another matter of great con- 
sequence, both as it regards quantity 
and quality. The following beautiful 
passage from "The Mother's Friend" 
(a book little in danger of being re- 
commended too highly) refers to the 
wise arrangements of divine Provi- 
dence, in the case of infants and their 
mothers : " The first duty which pre- 
sents itself to the attention of the 
mother, that of supplying her infant 
with food, brings with it its own re- 
ward, not only in promoting the safety 
and health of the young mother, but 
in awakening in the heart the sweet- 
est emotions of tenderness toward her 
infant, which can be conceived only 



102 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

by those who have experienced them. 
With the performance of this duty 
begins also that moral training which 
is to teach her to sacrifice her own 
pleasures and inclinations to the dic- 
tates of maternal affection and the 
performance of domestic duties. We 
cannot imagine any case in which a 
mother is not utterly inexcusable if 
she relinquishes the first maternal 
office which Providence has assigned 
her, from motives of indolence or 
vanity, or a childish desire to join the 
votaries of fashion in the pursuit of 
worldly pleasure." 

After weaning the child, parents 
should always strictly guard against 
the pernicious practice of overloading 
its tender and feeble stomach, and of 
subjecting it to high-seasoned food, 
stimulating drinks, &c. The whole 
may be summed up in a few words : 
The diet of children should be milk 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 103 

in infancy, milk and light vegetable 
food in childhood, and cold water the 
drink, — the drink which God has 
provided, and for which no substitute 
is needed. If children are fed on 
meat, except in very small quantities, 
if they eat food highly seasoned with 
spices, if they feed on sweetmeats in 
abundance, eat butter plentifully, and 
drink tea and coffee immoderately, 
nature will not fail, sooner or later, 
to revenge these outrages with dis- 
ease, impaired constitutions, or death. 
Add to this the moral injury inflicted 
on a child by training him up an 
epicure to wallow in sensuality and 
make eating and drinking the chief 
end of existence. 

" Such whose sole bliss is eating, and can give 
But this one brutal reason why they live." 

With respect to exercise, little at- 
tention will be requisite in early life, 



104 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

except to direct the native activity of 
childhood into the proper channel, 
and teach it to exert itself as much 
as possible in something useful. In a 
more advanced period, when mental 
improvement becomes the all-absorb- 
ing object, as is often the case, par- 
ticularly with those who have been 
taught to know its value, there is 
much danger of neglect of exercise ; 
as the thin, pale, ghastly aspect, the 
sickly and impaired constitutions of 
many studious young persons abun- 
dantly testify. Parental influence 
should guard assiduously against the 
practice which leads to such a result. 
Another thing named as conducive 
to health is cheerful spirits. Irrita- 
bility, despondency, disappointment, 
mortified vanity, sullenness, grief, dis- 
content, in short, all irregular pas- 
sions impair the health, and drink up 
the vital principle. Love, peace, joy, 



THE PARENT'S FRIE.ND. 105 

contentment, and cheerfulness should 
be early and constantly cultivated; 
not only as being conducive to health, 
but as in the highest degree salutary 
in forming the moral character. Let 
the parent then beware how he allows 
himself in irregular passions. Let 
him beware of his voice assuming a 
sharp, angry tone ; his brow becom- 
ing clouded by discontent or despond- 
ency; or his words or countenance 
evincing anger or irritability. 

A few words on clothiiig may con- 
clude this letter. The clothing should 
be neither too light nor too warm; 
and whether it be the one or the other 
may be easily ascertained by paying 
attention to the indications of nature. 
Clothing should be made to sit easy 
upon the body and limbs. This ap- 
pears so common-sense a matter that 
I am almost ashamed to mention it ; 
for who is so unwise as not to know 



106 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

this? But who is wise enough to 
practise it? Whose feet have not 
been pained, not to say deformed by 
tight shoes? whose movements are 
as light, easy, and graceful as they 
might have been but for this cause ? 
How many forms have not been in- 
jured, and how many constitutions 
not impaired by tight lacing, tight 
coats, tight vests, &c. ? How many 
early graves have not been tenanted 
by means of thin shoes and light 
dresses ? Let your children then 
early learn that health is not to be 
sought in apothecaries' shops, in 
balsams and boluses, but in diet, in 
cleanliness, in exercise, in cheerful 
spirits, and in comfortable clothing. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND, 107 

LETTER XIX. 

G O aD BREEDING. 

Though exterior accomplishments 
are of very little value aside from 
sound moral principles, though they 
may even be instruments of mischief 
when- they conceal a vicious heart, 
yet, taken in connection with integrity 
of character, good manners are a most 
desirable acquisition. Good breeding 
has been defined to be "the result 
of good sense and good nature f but 
I think this by no means so good a 
definition as another which I have 
somewhere met with, namely, "bene- 
volence in little things." This is a 
principle on w r hich to found our cour- 
tesy in act. It is a Scriptural princi- 
ple, the principle of " gentleness," of 
"doing to others as we would they 
should do to us." It is a principle 



108 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

which a virtuous heart can approve. 
Without this true benevolence of feel- 
ing, elegance of manners is a mere 
farce, the most polite attentions but 
successive acts of hypocrisy at which 
an honest heart revolts. Where there 
is native good sense and a cultivated 
mind, I apprehend that a man, by 
studying himself, may do much to- 
ward acquiring the art of pleasing 
others ; for what a man of sense 
feels to be pleasing to himself, he 
may, in general, take for granted 
will be pleasing to others, and what 
is disgusting or unpleasant to himself 
will be so to others. Why then may 
not this principle be taught to chil- 
dren and caused to grow up with 
them ? If they act on the principle 
of " benevolence in little things," do- 
ing to others as they would others 
should do to them, and are yielding 
and accommodating, in childhood, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND, 109 

their manners may be pleasing as 
children; in youth, they may be well 
bred as youth; and in manhood, as 
men. So much for the principle. 

The evils they should be guarded 
against are coarseness and vulgari- 
ty, affectation, pertness, forwardness, 
conceitedness, and bashfulness or ex- 
treme diffidence. Intercourse with 
the children of well-bred families, 
with a habit of observation, will be 
one of the best methods of improving 
the manners of your children. What 
is defective or awkward in their man- 
ners should be explicitly pointed out 
to them, and some of the best trea- 
tises on manners early put into their 
hands. . The language of early life is 
a matter of much consequence, not 
only as it concerns manners but mo- 
rals also. Exaggeration and hyper- 
bolical expressions sometimes gain a 
person the reputation of lying who 



110 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

does not really deserve it; others, 
from perverted education, become 
satirical, which makes them avoided 
and detested; others again keep on 
hand a stock of low jests and com- 
monplace witticisms, which obtain 
for them the unenviable distinction of 
being the buffoons of the companies 
into which they fall ; others again, 
on entering company, by the coarse- 
ness and vulgarity of their language, 
at once obtain the reputation of being 
low bred. Egotism and dogmatical 
assertions are insufferable, especially 
in young persons. Contradicting is 
one of the worst of habits. "I won't" 
"I shan't," "I will," "I shall," should 
never be allowed an introduction into 
a child's vocabulary. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. Ill 

LETTER XX. 

HOURS OF RECREATION. 

The hours given to children for 
their recreations are generally con- 
sidered as 'of little importance. The 
task performed, the lesson done, both 
the parents at home and the teacher 
at school appear to think it proper to 
leave them altogether to themselves ; 
they are now at play, and play is a 
matter of no consequence. But fol- 
low these little ones to the nursery, 
the yard, or the village green. With 
passions warm, with habits unformed 
and principles unsettled, and destitute 
of the lessons of experience, they be- 
gin their childish sports. A multitude 
of toys and objects full of interest to 
them are before them ; little competi- 
tory games will not fail to be intro- 
duced. Now see the workings of 



112 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

selfishness, jealousy, envy, raillery; 
the tyranny of the eldei. and the bit- 
ter sullenness of the younger; — hear 
the accusations, criminations, and re- 
criminations ; the hard names, bitter 
taunts ; — see the strifes, contentions, 
and blows. One is irritable, and an- 
other delights in vexing him. One 
begins to exhibit his childish vanity, 
and another takes pleasure in mortify- 
ing him. One is ingenious at child- 
ish mischief, which he plays off upon 
some luckless urchin of the train, 
and the rest applaud. The result is 
mutual dislike, envy, heart-burnings, 
malice, and revenge. What princi- 
ples these for domestic harmony! 
What obstacles to meekness, gentle- 
ness, patience, forbearance, and for- 
giveness ! 

We are accustomed to view the 
differences of children, and their ex- 
hibition of bad temper, with too much 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 113 

indifference ; yet they spring from the 
same root as those dreadful evils in 
society we so much deplore. The 
unhappy spirits which keep churches 
and neighbourhoods in commotion; 
which, by their self-willed obstinacy, 
their envy, jealousy, and revengeful 
dispositions, interrupt the harmony 
of the family circle, and of civil and 
religious society, are the very persons 
who might have been seen, a few 
years ago, beginning to display these 
unhallowed tempers in the nursery 
or among their school-fellows. 

A good parent will look to these 
early developments of fallen nature, 
will check these evil propensities, will 
guard against the occasions which 
call them forth, will fear lest, being 
indulged or neglected, they 

u Grow with their growth and strengthen with their strength." 

He will watch over and direct the 

& 



114 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

recreations of his children ; he will 
establish their rights and settle their 
claims ; he will teach them the evil 
of their differences, their petty tyran- 
nies, and mutual dislikes ; he will 
show them how displeasing to God 
such things are, how unhappy it 
makes themselves, how it grieves 
their parents ; he will show them the 
excellences and the advantages of 
kindness, of gentleness, of forbear- 
ance, of forgiveness, of generosity, of 
tenderness ; he will show the child 
how indispensable it is that he repent, 
and ask forgiveness of God, and make 
reparation to those he has injured, 
and will not be satisfied until he sees 
these unhallowed tempers give way 
to better feelings. He will be satis- 
fied with nothing short of seeing his 
family circle the seat of harmony 
and kindness, of mutual affection and 
good offices ; where due deference is 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 115 

paid to age, and due attention to 
childhood and youth ; where parents 
are revered, respected, and loved; 
where domestics are treated with 
kindness and respect ; and where 
submissive and affectionate decorum 
marks the conduct of the young-. 

A judicious parent might often ac- 
company his children in their recrea- 
tions with the happiest effect. He 
might superintend, and turn a thou- 
sand little incidents to profitable ac- 
count. If they were in the open air, 
he could make a text of a flower, a 
plant, a twig, a pebble, a cloud, a 
shower, a heap of snow, or a sheet 
of ice, and raise a moral lesson from 
winter, summer, spring, or autumn, 
with which to intersperse and enliven 
recreation, and unite pleasure with 
profit. 



116 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER XXI. 

EMULATION. f 

" Few competitions but engender spite." 

On the use of emulation, as a prin- 
ciple in education, there has been 
a considerable diversity of opinion. 
Mr. Buck, in his Theological Dic- 
tionary, defines it to be, " a generous 
ardour kindled by the praiseworthy 
examples of others, which impels us 
to imitate, to rival, and, if possible, 
to excel them." " This passion," he 
continues, " involves in it esteem of 
the person whose attainments or con- 
duct we emulate, of the qualities and 
actions in which we emulate him, 
and a desire of resemblance, together 
with a joy springing from the hope 
of success." If this be what we are 
to understand by emulation, leaving 
out the item of rivalry, it may be well 
enough. But this seems to be a bet- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 117 

, ter definition of that passion which 
I prompts rather to imitation than to 
emulation. The idea of strife seems 
inseparable from the word emulation, 
inasmuch as it comes from a word 
which signifies contest. Now the 
Scriptures positively forbid us to do 
any thing " through strife or vain- 
glory." Emulation is indeed a pow- 
erful principle. Few principles seem 
capable of calling forth the energies 
more than the spirit of rivalry. But 
was it ever put in requisition without 
drawing after it envy, jealousy, con- 
tention, and settled dislike ? Models 
of excellence may be placed before 
the youthful mind, to infuse ardour 
and lead to imitation ; but the mo- 
ment you commence a rivalry, and 
set your youthful aspirants upon the 
road of strife, you tempt the success- 
ful to pride, and subject the unsuc- 
cessful to mortification, which, in such 



118 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

cases, is generally accompanied with 
envy and dislike. To say the least of 
emulation, it is a dangerous principle, 
and one that needs much guarding ; 
and it ought to be dispensed with, in 
the business of education, if other 
sufficiently stimulating principles can 
be found. That a respectable pro- 
gress in improvement may be made 
without it, and that other motives are 
sufficient without this dangerous one, 
have, I think, been fully proved by the 
success of those parents and teachers 
who have rejected it.* 

* Since writing the foregoing letter, it has been 
suggested to the author that, as the word emulation 
is somewhat ambiguous, the word rivalry perhaps 
may better define the evil against which it is in- 
tended to guard. 



THE PARENTIS FRIEND. 119 

LETTER XXII. 

ATTENTION,. MEMORY. 

u A habit of listless inactivity 
should be strictly guarded against, 
in the young, and the utmost care 
should be taken to cultivate the op- 
posite ; namely, the habit of directing 
the mind intensely to whatever comes 
before it, either in reading or observa- 
tion." Life is short; and much must 
be acquired and much performed, to 
answer the end of our existence in 
the world. The intellectual faculties 
are to be developed and cultivated; 
the moral powers are to be improved. 
Sacred history and divine truth pre- 
sent vast fields before us. We are to 
acquire a knowledge of God — know- 
ledge of our duty and our destiny. 
We must learn, that we may instruct ; 
learn, that we may be respected; 



120 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

learn, that we may be useful: and 
all, all is to be done amid cares and 
labours ;— to be done too in a short 
fleeting life. 

That we may make the most of our 
opportunities of observation, of read- 
ing, of hearing, and of reflection, we 
need that habits of attention be early 
formed. The retention of what we 
acquire, or, in a word, memory, is 
much influenced by attention. " The 
distinct recollection of a fact is gene- 
rally in proportion to the intensity 
with which it has been contemplated." 
Do you desire your children should 
derive profit from your precepts, from 
the books you put into their hands, 
from the conversation they hear, from 
the instruction of the teachers you 
employ, from the truths of the holy 
Scriptures, from the sermons to which 
they listen ? — then cultivate the habit 
of attention with unremitting care. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 121 

Books are often read without profit ; 
sermons are heard in which the most 
weighty arguments are pressed, and 
yet little fruit is seen; — and why? 
Because habits of attention have not 
been early formed. 

" Let, then, parents make a point 
of using their children, and especially 
their daughters, whose natural vola- 
tility most needs their discipline, not 
only to give their attention to the 
business in which they are engaged, 
but to listen, very early, to a little 
reasoning, (at first a very little,) and 
give a short account of the argument 
they have heard ; the parent taking 
care that the steps shall follow each 
other in their right order, and that 
none of them shall be omitted. By 
degrees the arguments may become 
longer. A skilful teacher will select 
a subject interesting to the pupil, who 
will consider what passes as conversa- 



122 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

tion, and not as (what in truth it is) a 
lesson, in which the didce (pleasant) 
is most visible and the utile (useful) 
rather concealed. A habit of occa- 
sionally passing a quarter of an hour 
in this way, and of proceeding on a 
similar plan when the children give 
an account of what they have been 
reading, and are asked for opinions 
respecting it, will do much toward 
making them reason methodically, 
which is a great point gained toward 
acting rationally, as they pass through 
life. We often meet with a person 
who declares that he cannot under- 
stand an argument used in conversa- 
tion, though plain in itself; — and 
why? Scrutinize a little, and you 
will generally find the true cause to 
be an indisposition, in fact, to bear a 
burden which has not been rendered 
light by the introduction of proper 
habits in early years." 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 123 

"It is almost superfluous to add, 
that habits of attention, beside laying 
a foundation for usefulness in future 
life, contribute essentially to the com- 
fort of the school room, and to the 
moral improvement of the scholars. 
They not only extremely facilitate 
the acquisition of knowledge, but do 
much toward making it vigorous and 
productive : they thus draw forth the 
faculties, prevent the tedium which 
is apt to prey on children in their 
school hours, when their minds are 
not fully employed, promote self- 
government, and do away the tempt- 
ations to those false excuses and pre- 
tences of which idleness seldom fails 
continually to avail itself"* 

* Babbington on Christian Education. 



124 THE parent's friend. 



LETTER XXIII. 

SELF-EXAMINATION AND CONFESSION, 
PATIENCE, FAITH, PRAYER. 

Mr. Baxter has somewhere ob- 
served that though preaching is now 
the ordinary instrument of conversion, 
he was persuaded it would not be so, 
were parents to " train up their chil- 
dren in the way they should go." 
This sentiment is well worthy of the 
most attentive consideration. The 
parent has so many facilities for 
leading the soul to Christ which the 
minister has not, that we need not be 
surprised, when Christian education 
is elevated to its proper standard, 
when it fixes its high aim where it 
should, that it becomes the chief in- 
strument in the conversion of souls. 
The minister can address the under- 
standing and conscience once a week, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 125 

—perhaps occasionally oftener in the 
course of his pastoral visitations, — 
the parent every day. The minister 
addresses a large and mixed con- 
course ; the parent can bring his 
influence to an individual bearing. 
The minister comes in his official 
capacity ; the parent can bring all 
the tenderness, the affection, the au- 
thority, the intimate knowledge of 
genius, temper, and prepossession, 
which above all others he must pos- 
sess, to bear upon the soul's salva- 
tion. But combine them ; give a 
truly Christian training, and then 
let the preaching of the gospel be 
added. Will there be many souls 
proof against the united labours of 
the parent and the preacher? 

I take it for granted that the chief 
end of education should be the salva- 
tion of the soul. As directly contri- 
buting to this result, I wish to invite 



126 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

your attention to the several impor- 
tant Christian duties enumerated at 
the head of this letter, namely : — 
self-examination — confession — pa- 
tience — faith — prayer. 

1. Self-examination and Confession. 
Suppose you begin something in this 
way : " My child, it is very impor- 
tant that you should be acquainted 
with yourself; that you should know 
not only how you appear in the eyes 
of your parents and friends, but also 
in the sight of God. God has com- 
manded us to examine ourselves. 
Every day your parents spend some 
portion of time in examining them- 
selves, and find it very profitable. 
Now I will give you a subject on 
which to examine yourself to-day. 
You may observe and remember how 
many times you feel angry." At the 
close of the day, or next morning, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 127 

you may pleasantly but seriously re- 
sume the subject, "Well, you recol- 
lect the subject I gave you yesterday 
for self-examination. Now I wish 
you to understand, that, having ob- 
served you sometimes to give way to 
anger, which is very wrong, and for- 
bidden in God's word, beside being 
very unpleasant to me, and to your 
brothers and sisters, (and wishing you 
to see your faults, and amend your- 
self without any correction from me, 
which, for your good, I should be 
obliged to make use of, unless you 
correct yourself,) I called your atten- 
tion to this fault, and desired you to 
recollect how many times you were 
angry. I think it will be an advan- 
tage to you, and help you to govern 
your passions, to examine yourself. 
I think it would be a still farther ad- 
vantage to you to confess your fault 
to me. The Bible says, ■ He that 



128 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

eovereth his sins shall not prosper, 
but he that confesseth and forsaketh 
them shall find mercy.' Now can 
you tell me how many times you felt 
angry during the day ?" Here it will 
be well to go on cautiously, and in- 
quire what were the occasions of an- 
ger, and enlarge upon the evils of 
giving way to this sinful passion, and 
also upon the benefits of self-control ; 
and conclude by engaging with the 
child in a prayer for forgiveness. In 
a similar manner the child may be 
brought to a discovery of his selfish- 
ness, his pride, his vanity, his envy, 
and all his other faults, in general, 
as well as his most besetting sins, 
in particular. In this way he may 
be led to a knowledge of the sinful- 
ness of his heart and his life ; and 
the way will thus be prepared for 
the reception of the Saviour and his 
salvation. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 129 

2. Patience. Few dispositions are 
more important than that of patience, 
whether we consider the trials and 
disappointments, cares and anxieties, 
pains and bereavements, — "the thou- 
sand ills that flesh is heir to ;" whe- 
ther we consider the peace of fami- 
lies ; or whether we consider the 
great importance attached to it in 
the word of God. 

"Man is not only called to en- 
dure many natural evils, and many 
evils brought upon him by his fel- 
low-creatures, but, in his Christian 
warfare with his own innate depra- 
vity, he must continually mortify his 
strongest inclinations, and restrain 
his fondest wishes. 'He that will 
come after me must deny himself, 
and take up his cross and follow 
me.' 'If ye live after the flesh/ 
(that is, according to your own natu- 
ral desires,) 'ye shall die : but if ye ? 



130 THE PARENTIS FRIEND. 

through the spirit, do mortify the 
deeds of the body, ye shall live/ 
'Eternal life' is promised to those 
who seek for it ' by patient continu- 
ance in well-doing ;' and we are told 
that if we would be ' perfect and en- 
tire, wanting nothing,' we must let 
'patience have her perfect work.' 
Such was 'the good fight of faith' 
required by our Saviour and his 
apostles, and such must it be to the 
end of time. In this case, as in every 
other, God makes no demand with 
which he does not enable man to 
comply. Not only the Holy Spirit 
is ready to aid him, but under the 
divine government, he is placed in 
circumstances calculated to prepare 
him for obedience to the divine will. 
Among these circumstances, educa- 
tion is intended by the Almighty to 
hold a distinguished place. And the 
better to render education a powerful 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 131 

instrument for the attainment of this 
end, God has bound parents, not only 
by duty, but also by a strong and 
present interest, operating daily and 
almost hourly, to inculcate patience. 
i "An impatient child, if not the 
plague of the house, can scarcely fail 
to be the plague of himself and his in- 
structed How happens it, then, that 
this fault is so frequently suffered to 
prevail among children ? Because 
the parent is often impatient himself; 
and this fault will completely frus- 
trate all his efforts to conquer im- 
patience in his child. - He is also 
often self-indulgent ; and his interest, 
however great and apparent, will not 
induce him to take the trouble requi- 
site to subdue a fault which increas- 
ingly reappearsj and calls for his un- 
remitting attention. Perhaps, too, he 
persuades himself that wayward fits 
and cross humours must be tolerated 



132 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

in children, but that they will give 
way to good sense and maturer prin- 
ciples at a future period. 

' Yain reason all, and false philosophy V 

Such a plea will not stand a moment 
before the maxim of the wise king 
of Israel : ' Train up a child in the 
way he should go. 5 

" From whatever cause the failure 
of a parent in promoting and enforc- 
ing patience in his young charge may 
arise, let him count the cost. Let 
him recollect the speedy flight of 
time, and view r the precious months 
and years of childhood, w r hen his pa- 
rental power is in full vigour, and 
the youthful mind pliable and docile, 
sliding swiftly away> never to return. 
Does he think habits of impatience 
will not strengthen by indulgence? 
or that he shall find it more easy to 
make a salutary and deep impression 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 133 

on the mind of the academician, as- 
piring to the privileges of manhood, 
or of the sturdy schoolboy who, dur- 
ing three parts of the year, is out 
of his sight, than on that of a play- 
ful child always with him and con- 
scious of entire dependance upon him? 
But his reliance is in the boy's fu- 
ture good sense and good principles. 
Miserable reliance ! and indulged at 
the expense of parental duty. Good 
sense and good principles may, in 
after life, effect, by God's blessing, a 
change of temper ; but with what 
reason can a parent trust to a future 
change, while at present he suffers 
a child's judgment to be clouded by 
passion, and his practice to be at 
variance with good principles ? And 
how, without a very offensive pre- 
sumption, can he hope that God will, 
in some other way, confer an advan- 
tage on his child which he himself 



134 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

has not endeavoured to obtain for 
him by the appointed means of a 
good education ?"* 

3. Faith. "Children," says Cecil, 
"are very early capable of impression. 
I imprinted on my daughter the idea 
of faith at a very early age. She 
was playing one day with a few 
beads, which seemed to delight her 
wonderfully. Her whole soul was 
absorbed in her beads. I said, * My 
dear, you have some pretty beads 
there.' ' Yes, papa.' ' And you seem 
to be vastly pleased with them.' 
* Yes, papa.' ' Well, now throw 'em 
behind the fire.' The tears started 
in her eyes. She looked earnestly 
at me, as though she ought to have 
a reason for such a cruel sacrifice. 
i Well, my dear, do as you please : 
but you know I never told you to 

* Babbington on Christian Education. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 135 

do any thing which I did not think 
would be good for you.' She looked 
at me a few moments longer, and 
then, summoning up all her fortitude, 
her breast heaving with the effort, she 
dashed them into the fire. 'Well/ 
said I, ' there let them lie ; you shall 
hear more about them another time, 
but say no more about them now/ 
Some days after, I bought her a box 
full of larger beads, and toys of the 
same kind. When I returned home, 
I opened the treasure and set it be- 
fore her. She burst into tears with 
ecstasy. 'Those, my child/ said I, 
' are yours ; because you believed me 
when I told you it would be better 
for you to throw those two or three 
paltry beads behind the fire. Now 
that has brought you this treasure. 
But now, my dear, remember, as long 
as you live, what faith is. I did all 
this to teach you the meaning of faith. 



136 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

You threw your beads away when I 
bade you, because you had faith in me, 
that I never advised you but for your 
good. Put the same confidence in 
God. Believe every thing that he 
says in his word, whether you under- 
stand it or not. Have faith in him 
that he means your good.' ' 

4. Prayer. The child at prayer — 
there is something in it that augurs 
well, something that tells of future 
security, of future excellence, and of 
future piety. The child at school, 
the child with his books, the child at 
his innocent sports, is a pleasing ob- 
ject of contemplation ; but the child 
at prayer is a sight that might delight 
an angel. 

Prayer serves to impress the mind 
with the truth of God's being and 
presence, of our dependance and ac- 
countability ; it serves to establish in 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 137 

the soul habits of confession, contri- 
tion, gratitude, obedience, and wor- 
ship. Let the child be taught to say 
his prayers even before he can pray 
them. This will help to habituate 
him to the form of devotion. When 
he can understand the nature of a 
desire, let him be interrogated before 
prayer: "Now what are you about 
to do ? For w T hat are you going to 
ask? Why do you ask God for 
health, for food and raiment ? Why 
do you ask him to forgive your sins ? 
Have you committed any sins 1 What 
sins have you committed? Are you 
sorry ? Do you really desire God 
should forgive you? Do you not 
need the Holy Spirit to help you to 
pray? In whose name do you pray? 
Should you not come in the name of 
the Saviour?" Thus may even a 
child be easily led on to know that 
prayer is the desire of the heart of- 



138 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

fered up to God, by the assistance 
of the Holy Spirit, in the name of 
the one Mediator. Children should 
be early and regularly accustomed 
to offer up to God their evening 
prayers, their morning acknowledg- 
ments, and their midday devotions. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 139 



LETTER XXIV. 

DRESS, EXTRAVAGANCE, ETC. 

"We have run 
Through every change that Fancy, at the loom 
Exhausted, has had genius to supply ; 
And, studious of mutation still, discard 
A real elegance, a little used. 
For monstrous novelty and strange disguise. 
We sacrifice to dress till household joys 
And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry, 
And keeps our larder lean, pats out our fires, 
And introduces hunger, frost, and wo 
Where peace and hospitality might reign." 

COWPER. 

I have already spoken of dress in 
its connection with health, but this is 
not the only connection in which it 
is to be regarded. It is taken up in 
the Bible as a moral question, and 
as such it is one of serious import. 
The Scriptures give us two general 
rules on the subject of dress : — 

1. To adorn ourselves (and of course 
our children) in modest apparel ; 

2. To avoid superfluity and extra- 
vagance. 



140 THE parent's friend. 

In reference to the first, " let it be 
observed that slovenliness is no part 
of religion ; that no text of Scripture 
condemns neatness of apparel. Cer- 
tainly neatness is a duty, not a sin ; 
and cleanliness is indeed next to god- 
liness. Agreeably to this, good Mr. 
Herbert thus advises every one that 
fears God : — 

' Let thy mind's sweetness have its operation 
Upon thy person, clothes, and habitation.' 

1 And surely every one should attend 
to this if he would not have the good 
that is in him evil spoken of.' There 
may undoubtedly also be a moderate 
difference of apparel between persons 
of different stations;" but superfluous 
ornaments and extravagant attire are 
forbidden. 

"But the question will be asked, 
' What harm does it do to adorn our- 
selves with gold, or pearls, or costly 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 141 

array, suppose we can afford it? — ■ 
that is, suppose it does not hurt or 
impoverish our families V The first 
harm it does is, it engenders- pride ; 
and where it is already, increases 
it. Whoever narrowly observes what 
passes in his awn heart will easily 
discern this. Nothing is more natural 
than to think ourselves better because 
we are dressed in better clothes. And 
it is scarcely possible for a man to 
wear costly apparel without, in some 
measure, valuing himself upon it. 
One of the old heathens was so 
well apprized of this, that when he 
had a spite to a poor man, and had a 
mind to turn his head, he made him 
a present of a suit of fine clothes. 
He could not then but imagine him- 
self to be as much better as he was 
finer than his neighbour. And how 
many thousands argue in the same 
way ! inferring the superior value of 



142 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

their persons from the value of their 
clothes. 

" ' But may not one man be as 
proud, .though clad in sackcloth, as 
another is though clad in cloth of 
gold?' As this argument meets us 
at every turn, and is supposed to be 
unanswerable, it will be worth while 
to answer it once for all, and to show 
the utter emptiness of it. ' May not, 
then, one in sackcloth,' you ask, \ be 
as proud as he that is clad in cloth 
of gold?' I answer, — Certainly he 
may : I suppose no one doubts of it. 
And what inference can you draw 
from this T Take a parallel case. 
One man that drinks a cup of" cold 
water "may be as sick as another 
that drinks poison : but does this 
prove that the poison has no more 
tendency to hurt a man than the" 
water ? " or does it excuse any man 
for taking what has a natural ten- 



THE PARENT'S TTUEND. 148 

dency to make him sick? Now to 
apply this :— 

"First, Experience shows that fine 
clothes have a natural tendency to 
make a man sick with pride : plain 
clothes have not. Although it is true 
you may be sick with pride in these 
also, yet they have no natural ten- 
dency either to cause or increase this 
sickness ; therefore let all that desire 
to be clothed with humility abstain 
from that poison. 

" Secondly, The wearing of gay or 
costly apparel naturally tends to 
breed and to increase vanity. By 
vanity I here mean the love and de- 
sire of being admired and praised. 
Every one of you that is fond of 
dress has a witness of this in your 
own bosom. Whether you will con- 
fess it before man or not, you are 
convinced of this before God. You 
know in your hearts it is with a view 



144 THE parent's friend. 

to be admired that you thus adorn 
yourselves ; and that you would not 
be at the pains were none to see you 
but God and his holy angels. Now 
the more you indulge this foolish de- 
sire, the more it grows upon you. 
You have vanity enough by nature ; 
but by thus indulging it, you increase 
it a hundred fold. O, stop I Aim at 
pleasing God alone, and all these or- 
naments will drop off. 

" Thirdly, The wearing of gay and 
costly apparel naturally tends to be- 
get anger, and every turbulent and 
uneasy passion ; and it is on this 
very account that the apostle places 
this \ outward adorning' in direct op- 
position to the 6 ornament of a meek 
and quiet spirit.' How remarkably 
does he add, ' which is, in the sight 
of God, of great price.' 

1 Than gold or pearls more precious far, 
And brighter than the morning star.' 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 145 

None can easily conceive, unless 
himself were to make the sad ex- 
periment, the contrariety there is be- 
tween the ' outward adorning' and 
this inward ' quietness of spirit.' You 
never can thoroughly enjoy this, while 
you are fond of the other. It is only 
while you sit loose to that * outward 
adorning' that you can in \ patience 
possess your soul.' Then only, when 
you have cast off your fondness for 
dress, will the peace of God reign in 
your hearts. 

"Fourthly, The wearing of costly 
array is directly opposite to the being 
adorned with good works. Nothing 
can be more evident than this ; for 
the more you lay out on your own 
apparel, the less you have left to 
clothe the naked, to feed the hun- 
gry, to lodge the strangers, to relieve 
those that are sick and in prison, and 
to lessen the numberless afflictions to 

10 



146 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

which we^are exposed in this vale of 
tears. And here is no room for the 
evasion used before,— ' I may be as 
humble in cloth of gold as in sack- 
cloth.' If you could be as humble 
when you choose costly as when you 
choose plain apparel, (which I fully 
deny,) yet you could not be as be- 
neficent, as plenteous in good w r orks. 
Every shilling which you save from 
your own apparel, you may expend 
in clothing the naked, and relieving 
the necessities of the poor, whom ye 
'have always with you.' Therefore 
every shilling which you needlessly 
spend on your apparel is, in effect, 
stolen from God and the poor ! And 
how many precious opportunities of 
doing good have you defrauded your- 
self of! How often have you dis- 
abled yourself from doing good, by 
purchasing what you did not need ! 
For what end did you buy these or- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 147 

naments ? To please God ? No ; 
but to please your own fancy, or to 
gain the admiration and applause of 
those that were no wiser than your- 
self. How much good might you 
have done with that money ! And 
what an irreparable loss have you 
sustained by not doing it, if it be true 
that the day is at hand when ' every 
man shall receive his own reward, 
according to his own labour!' 

"I pray you consider this well. 
Perhaps you have not seen it in this 
light before. When you are laying 
out that money in costly apparel, 
which you could otherwise have 
spared for the poor, you thereby de- 
prive them of w r hat God, the proprie- 
tor of all, had lodged in your hands 
for their use. If so, what you put 
upon yourself you are, in effect, tear- 
ing from the back of the naked ; and 
the costly and delicate food which 



148 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

you eat, you are snatching from the 
mouth of the hungry. For mercy's, 
for pity's, and for Christ's sake, for 
the honour of his gospel, stay your 
hand ! Do not throw this money 
away! Do not lay out on nothing — ■ 
3^ea, worse than nothing — what may 
clothe your poor, naked, shivering 
fellow-creature ! 

"Many years ago, when I was at 
Oxford, in a cold winter day, a young 
maid (oue of those we kept at school) 
called upon me. I said, ' You seem 
half starved [frozen.] Have you no- 
thing to cover you but that thin linen 
gown V She said, ' Sir, this is all I 
have !' I put my hand in my pocket, 
but found I had scarce any money left, 
having just paid away what I had. It 
immediately struck me, Will thy Mas- 
ter say, > Well done, good and faith- 
ful steward?' Thou hast adorned thy 
walls w T ith the money which might 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 149 

have screened this poor creature from 
the cold ! O justice ! O mercy ! are 
not these pictures the blood of this 
poor maid ? See thy expensive ap- 
parel in the same light, — thy gown, 
hat, head dress ! Every thing about 
thee which cost more than Christian 
duty required thee to lay out is the 
blood of the poor! O be wise for 
the time to come! Be more merci- 
ful ! more faithful to God and man ! 
more abundantly adorned (like men 
and women professing godliness) with 
good works !"* 

To keep up with the extravagances 
of the age often presses those who 
commence life in moderate circum- 
stances into abject poverty. It leads 
to bankruptcy in thousands of in- 
stances, and to unjustifiable and dis- 
honest speculations. A most affect- 
ing illustration of the evils and dan- 

* Wesley. 



150 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

gers of extravagance is found in the 
case of Dr. Dodd. "He took orders 
in 1753, soon became one of the most 
popular preachers in London, and 
afterward became one of the king's 
chaplains. He was the author of va- 
rious books;" and among them, one 
of the best commentaries on the Bi- 
ble to be found in the English lan- 
guage. In addition to his salary, his 
books brought him in large profits ; 
but extravagance ruined him. "Be- 
coming involved, he disgraced his 
station, and violated the rules of 
common honesty, by offering a bribe 
to the lord chancellor's lady, if she 
would procure his nomination to a 
vacant rectory. The lady was indig- 
nant, and informed the lord chancel- 
lor, who procured Dodd's name to 
be struck from the list of the king's 
chaplains. He afterward committed 
a forgery upon Lord Chesterfield, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 151 

was discovered, tried, condemned, 
and executed. He died, however, 
with all the marks of sincere peni- 
tence." 

To support extravagant families, 
scores of parents are doomed to un- 
remitting cares, anxieties, and wast- 
ing toil, under which they often pre- 
maturely sink into the grave, the 
victims of their own folly, and leave 
helpless and impoverished families, 
whom their own improper indulgence 
had disqualified for every useful em- 
ployment. 

"Visited the hospital this day," 
says the Rev. Henry Martyn, "and 
read the eleventh chapter of John to 
a poor man, in whose room at the 
workhouse I was struck with the 
misery that presented itself. He was 
lying, with his clothes and hat on, 
upon the bed dying. His wife was 
cleaning the room, as if nothing was 



152 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

the matter, and upon the threshold 
was the daughter, about thirty years 
old, who had been delirious thirteen 
years. What a scene of wretched- 
ness ! What a miserable group ! It 
is a picture from which the mind 
turns with the deepest emotions of 
distressful pity. But O ! the cause 
of this misery ! The dying man was 
once a respectable innkeeper in the 
town ; but the extravagance of a son 
brought him to poverty, and a daugh- 
ter who foresaw it to insanity." 

In conclusion, I would add that it 
is by no means the intention, in the 
preceding remarks, to discard real 
refinement and true elegance ; (Mr. 
Wesley, whose pen has furnished so 
large a share of them, was a model 
of neatness and good taste in dress ;) 
but that fondness of dress which 
keeps the votary of fashion hours at 
the toilet while minutes cannot be 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 153 

spared to the closet — -which sacrifices 
to vanity until little or no time is left 
for mental or moral improvement — 
which makes its devotee disgustingly 
voluble about the newest fashions of 
dress and furniture, while the mind 
is utterly barren of valuable informa- 
tion — which devotes to extravagance 
that which should feed the hungry 
and convey instruction to the igno- 
rant — which squanders that time 
and attention in decorating the body 
which should be employed in the in- 
terests of the immortal spirit, — this is 
the great and prevalent evil against 
which this letter is intended to con- 
vey a note of admonition. 



154 THE parent's friend. 

LETTER XXV. 

AMUSEMENTS. 

On the subject of amusements, cor- 
rect and definite opinions are highly- 
important. We often hear it said, 
"Men cannot labour and do business 
always ; they must have intervals of 
relaxation : . what is to be done with 
these intervals?" and then comes a 
recommendation for the multiplying 
of holydays, games, festivals, cards, 
balls, and theatres. But is it not 
well to pause and inquire into the 
tendency of these amusements ? Is 
it not possible that to usher our sons 
and daughters into them would be to 
set them off on the high road to dis- 
sipation ? 

Dancing, we are told, is an inno- 
cent, sportive, and social amusement, 
which gives elasticity to the muscles, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 155 

and grace to the carriage. But the 
late hours — (twelve, two, and even 
four in the morning) — the crowded 
rooms — the bad air — the tight and 
thin dresses — the dampness to which 
the heated and relaxed system is ex- 
posed on the return — the coughs and 
consumptions, — all these accompani- 
ments of dancing as it is are forgot- 
ten. 

We are told too of a "pure theatre." 
A pure theatre ! Did the world ever 
see such a thing as a pure theatre ? 
" They are sinks of vice and pollu- 
tion, houses of assignation and inci- 
pient prostitution." " Examine the 
average character of those produc- 
tions represented on the stage. If 
we go to tragedy, we shall find that 
pride, ambition, revenge, suicide, the 
passionate love of fame and glory, all 
of which Christianity is intended to 
extirpate from the human bosom, are 



156 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

imitated in the most popular plays in 
this department of the drama. As to 
comedy, this is a thousand times more 
polluting than tragedy. Love and in- 
trigue, prodigality dressed in the garb 
of generosity, profaneness dignified 
with the name of fashionable spirit, 
and even seduction and adultery, — 
these are the usual materials which 
the comic muse combines and adorns 
to please and instruct her votaries. 
This department of the drama is un- 
mixed pollution. How often is some 
profligate rake introduced to the spec- 
tators, furnished with a few traits of 
frankness and generosity, to instruct 
them by his vicious career, and who 
so far reconciles them to all his crimes 
as to tolerate his atrocities for the 
sake of his open-hearted and good- 
humoured virtues ! Who can won- 
der that young women should be 
prepared by such stuff for any in- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 157 

trigue of a bold and wily adventurer, 
or that young men should be en- 
couraged to play the good-natured, 
heroic rake whom they have seen to 
be such a favourite with the public 
on the stage? Besides, how satu- 
rated are both tragedies and come- 
dies with incoherent appeals to Hea- 
ven, profane swearing, and all the 
arts of equivocation, falsehood, and 
deception. What lascivious allusions 
are made! what impure passages re- 
peated ! What a fatal influence must 
this have upon the delicacy of female 
modesty ! ^ Think, too, of a young 
man's coming, at the hour of mid- 
night, from such a scene, with his 
passions inflamed by every thing he 
has seen and heard, and then having 
to pass through ranks of wretched 
creatures waiting to ensnare him, 
and rob him of his virtue ! — would 
it not require extraordinary strength 



158 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

of character to resist such attacks? 
Admit that modern plays are, in 
some measure, purified from the ex- 
cessive grossness which polluted the 
performances of our more ancient 
dramatists ; yet who knows not that 
vice is more mischievous in some 
circles of society in proportion as it 
is more refined? The arch equi- 
voque and double entendre of modern 
plays are well understood and applied 
by a licentious audience ; and the 
buzz of approbation which is heard 
through the whole assembly furnishes 
abundant proof that the effect is not 
lost."* 

The following letter, written by 
an eye witness, is a fair description 
of the theatre as it is in this city. 
It was addressed to Dr. Ticknor, and 
was inserted by him in his work, — 
" The Philosophy of Living," a valu- 

* James's Christian Father's Present. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 159 

able little volume well worthy of its 
place in the Family Library. 

"Dear Sir, 

" Shortly after our conversation, a 
few days since, on the subject of the 
various fashionable amusements, I 
received a note from you requesting 
me to give you my written experience 
in regard to theatres. My experience 
is no more than that of any other 
person who has frequented the thea- 
tre, and observed what has passed 
before his eyes ; but, such as it is, I 
am willing you should have, and use 
it in any way you please, provided 
the name of the writer is known only 
to yourself. 

"An ardent curiosity first led me 
to the theatre, in company with a 
number of my associates ; and during 
the whole of the play I was of course 
all astonishment and admiration. My 



160 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

curiosity, instead of being satisfied, 
was only excited, and became the 
more irrepressible ; and an indulgent 
father and affectionate brother afford- 
ed me the means and opportunity of 
indulging it to my entire content. 
The splendid scenery, and gay deco- 
rations, and other striking objects be- 
longing to the entertainments, occu- 
pied all my attention for a number 
of nights, so that I hardly knew who 
or what was in the house beside. 
One thing I soon learned, and that 
with regret, that I was unable to at- 
tend my favourite place of amuse- 
ment more than two or three eve- 
nings in a week at the most — a cold, 
or cough, or headache, or all com- 
bined, made the almost invariable 
sequel to a night's dissipation. 

" After a time, the novelty in a 
measure wore off, and I began to 
look about to ascertain what com- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 161 

pany I was keeping. My attention 
was first excited, and my suspicions 
awakened, by the following circum- 
stance : You must know that by this 
time my father had taken tickets for 
the season, and that we usually occu- 
pied the front seat in one particular 
box. The seat next in our rear was 
occupied, on the evening to which I 
allude, by several well-dressed and 
genteel-appearing men; but on this, 
as on other occasions, appearances 
were deceitful Beside being exceed- 
ingly annoyed by their conversation, 
which would have disgraced almost 
any place, and any men but a gang 
of desperadoes or ruffians, my sto- 
mach was kept in a half-nauseated 
state by the effluvia of rum and to- 
bacco exhaled with their fetid breath. 
My attention once aroused, I soon be- 
came convinced that my neighbours 
were not alone in their pleasure of 

11 



162 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

rum-drinking, tobacco-smoking, and 
vulgarity ; but that a large part of 
the audience fell under the same 
condemnation. 

" Of my own sex, what shall I say? 
Till now I had not been aware — nay, 
I had not even dreamed of the im- 
proprieties thus publicly tolerated in 
the f third tier/ and galleries ; and if 
mothers could but see with their own 
eyes the indecencies of one night, I 
am sure that their daughters would 
never again enter a theatre with their 
consent. You will excuse me for not 
being at all particular in this matter ; 
for even to think of the scenes there 
witnessed is enough to cause a blush 
in any female not lost to a sense of 
propriety or decency in her sex. 

"The plays were not always of 
the most pure and chaste character, 
but too frequently verged to the op- 
posite ; and the nearer the approach 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 163 

to obscenity in speaking or in acting, 
or in both, the greater the applause, 
and often the loudest cheering from 
those whom you would least expect 
to be pleased. Shall I say that the 
most lovely part of the audience 
would sometimes give the smile of 
approbation ? The popular taste thus 
became manifest ; and a multitude 
of facts urged the conviction upon 
me that the voice of the people is 
any thing but the voice of God — a 
profane sentiment often profanely 
quoted from a heathen writer. My 
convictions became the stronger, as 
my knowledge of theatres and their 
legitimate consequences increased, 
that no one claiming to be a lady, or 
possessing the modesty and virtues 
of the female sex, could relish or fre- 
quently attend theatrical representa- 
tions. My fondness for such amuse- 
ments has therefore become changed 



164 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

into the most complete disgust ; and 
I am now astonished that I was not 
sooner awake to their evil tendency, 
and their corrupting influence upon 
the taste, mind, and passions. 

" As to any good that may possibly 
result from an attendance upon thea- 
tres I have but little to say. I have 
never known the least good to spring 
from it in any shape ; and the hack- 
neyed argument of becoming ac- 
quainted with human nature, learn- 
ing to succour distress and avoid sin, 
shows only the weakness and folly 
of those who use it. An observance 
of the ways of men, in our inter- 
course with the world, will teach us 
human nature as it is, and not as it 
is represented on the stage. The dis- 
tress of community has claims upon 
our sympathies — more too than are 
recognised — and we already know 
that disgrace and punishment are 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 165 

sure to follow sin and crime. We 
assuredly know, because we see, that 
hundreds annually run headlong in- 
to ruin by the temptations that they 
meet with at theatres ; and who ever 
heard that a libertine was ever re- 
claimed by frequenting the haunts 
or following the courses of a liber- 
tine ? or, in other words, who was 
ever rendered virtuous by being more 
vicious ? Here is the cause of evil — 
the 'forts et origo malif and how then 
can it be the remedy ? 

" I am afraid of making my letter 
too long — but I could not well make 
it shorter. Such are my opinions of 
theatres and their effects ; they may 
be singular, but they are, I believe, 
founded in truth. 

" Very respectfully, 

"Yours, &c, M.L.B. 

' New- York, 1835." 



166 THE parent's friend. 

We frequently hear of what the 
theatre might be. We know what it 
is mid ever has been, — a sink of vice 
and pollution. No man can pay a 
single dollar toward its support, with- 
out sacrificing- so far the principles of 
a good citizen. Go to the theatre 
even once, and your example and 
money, for that once at least, are 
given to support a den of infamy. 

" The theatre was, from the very first, 
The fav'rite haunt of sin ; though honest men, 
Some very honest, wise, and worthy men, 
Maintain'd it might be turn'd to good account : — 
And so perhaps it might, but never was. 
From first to last, it was an evil place ; 
And now such things were acted there as made 
The devils blush ; and from the neighbourhood, 
Angels and holy men trembling retired." 

Is it still inquired, " What shall we 
do with hours of relaxation ?" The 
answer is easy :* Resort to riding, 

* Concerning the amusements of small children, 
the following observations are valuable : — 

" Sedentary games of chance or skill, as draughts, 



THE P.\HENT ? S FRIEND. 167 

walking, conversation, music, lyce- 
ums, museums, the lighter poetical 
compositions, miscellanies, excursions 

are certainly dangerous, and they should be avoided 
altogether. They are objectionable, partly because 
they are sedentary, and therefore ill suited to an age 
when lively exercise is so natural, and so conducive 
to health and vigour ; partly because their very es- 
sence is competition ; but chiefly because they may 
give a taste for cards, and perhaps for gaming. 
Little gardens, distributed among the children of a 
family, and to be managed entirely by themselves, 
are admirable sources of amusement. A few small 
tools and implements of carpentry, in a father's 
custody, to be lent occasionally to his children, an- 
swer an excellent purpose; and particularly if he 
is qualified to assist a little when difficulties occur 
in the use of them." — Babbington. 

" The black board and a piece of chalk, with a 
little ingenuity on the part of the parent, will fur- 
nish the [small] child v/ith an almost endless variety 
of amusement. Let him attempt to imitate almost 
any object that interests him, whether among the 
works of nature or art. However rude his pictures 
may be, do not laugh at them, but, on the contrary, 
endeavour to encourage him. He may also be per- 
mitted to imitate letters and figures. ,, — Dr. Alcott. 

" I have seen young children sit on the floor and 
amuse themselves, for nearly half an hour together, 



168 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

by land and water, and a thousand 
other nameless, but innocent and even 
profitable methods of spending leisure 
hours. 

with piling up and taking' down small wooden cubes 
of different sizes. Some of them, however, instead 
of being cubes, may be of the shape of bricks. 
Their ingenuity, while they are scarcely a year old, 
in erecting houses, temples, churches, &c, is some- 
times surprising. Girls as well as boys seem to by 
greatly amused with this form of exercise, and both 
seem to be little less gratified in destroying than in 
rearing their Lilliputian edifices." — Ibid. 

The last-mentioned author speaks of the use of 
the rocking horse as an amusement highly recom- 
mended by those who have witnessed its effects. 
He very justly objects, however, to furnishing our 
young riders with whips and spurs, as being likely 
to foster a spirit of cruelty. 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 169 

LETTER XXVI. 

CHARACTER. 

It is a very general impression 
that a man's reputation depends up- 
on himself; that to him we are to 
accredit whatever is praiseworthy, 
and that he shall bear the reproach 
of whatever is blameable. A little 
reflection may convince us that this 
is not altogether correct ; for much 
of what is fair, and lovely, and in- 
viting in character, most men of 
worth will cheerfully award a full 
share of the praise to the counsel, 
example, and influence of virtuous 
parents. The converse is equally 
true. There are few vicious persons 
who cannot justly charge upon those 
to whom was committed the guidance 
of their early years a large share of 
their disgrace. It was undue severity 



170 THE PARENT'S FRIEND, 

or pernicious indulgence ', sinful neglect 
or unhallowed example, false principles 
or vicious associates that first drew 
away the inexperienced youth, and 
commenced the formation of evil ha- 
bits. To the general rule — "'Train 
up a child in the way he should go, 
and when he is old he will not depart 
from it," there may be a few, very 
few exceptions ; and far be it from 
me to tear open the wounds afresh 
which have scarcelv ceased bleeding-. 
A parent who has been faithful, and 
yet mourns over a profligate child, I 
pity : but I am fully persuaded such 
parents are few; and even of those 
few a part shall mourn but for a sea- 
son ;— the prodigal who has fled from 
such a parent may soon be seen re- 
turning. 

If the above observations are true — 
if parents have very much to do in 
the formation of character, impress it 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 171 

upon your mind, write it upon the ta- 
blet of your inmost soul : — To soci- 
ety, to the nation, to the world, to my 
children themselves, to the church, to 
God I am responsible for the charac- 
ter of my children: then let that cha- 
racter be moulded to obedience, to be- 
nevolence, to courtesy, to truth, to in- 
tegrity, to enterprise, to decision, to 
patriotism, to piety. 



172 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

LETTER XXVII. 

CHASTITY. 



i 



No parent can be too deeply im- 
pressed with the importance of this 
virtue. The happiness, the character, 
the eternal interests of the souls of 
your family are connected with it. 
Nay, more, it is also indissolubly con- 
nected with the whole framework of 
civil society. Let this virtue be once 
abandoned, and the social ties are 
'rent asunder, the family relationship 
is broken up ; the endearing names 
of husband, wife, father, brother, sis- 
ter, child, are unmeaning sounds. 
The family circle is the nursery of 
tenderness, of affection, of benevo- 
lence, of social ties, of subordination, 
of the formation of character ; and 
all depend on this virtue. Whoever 
makes an attack upon it attacks the 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 173 

vital interests of community, and he 
should be considered an enemy to 
all the interests of society — a public 
nuisance. 

Among the causes of licentious- 
ness are theatres, with their obscene 
songs and immoral representations, 
and licentious books, such as Byron's 
poetry and letters, in which scarce a 
page is to be found which has not 
the broad glare of licentiousness. 
Many works of fiction are by no 
means clear of a charge of having a 
licentious tendency. Persons of in- 
famous character are often their N he- 
roes and heroines. The charms of 
dress, equipage, and graceful man- 
ners are thrown around them. The 
blandishments of wit and beauty con- 
ceal the odious features of the por- 
trait, and the imagination and heart 
come from the survey with a deep 
moral taint. 



174 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

Another cause to which much of 
the licentiousness of the age is ow- 
ing, is the anomalous and pernicious 
custom of allowing known libertines 
a place in respectable society. The 
guilty female becomes at once an 
outcast, while the more guilty man 
is allowed to hold up his head with 
unblushing effrontery. Shall the per- 
jured villain who 7 under the most so- 
lemn promises, and with the art and 
dissimulation of a fiend, destroys a 
confiding and hitherto innocent be- 
ing — shall the wretch who glories in 
his^ shame, and boasts of the number 
of his victims and the families he has 
destroyed — shall he enter the sanc- 
tuary of your family^ and become the 
companion of your sons and daugh- 
ters? 

And another still is found in those 
apologists for vice and folly who are 
of the infidel school Sometimes they 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 175 

come forward in the guise of Chris- 
tians, and " with a misapplication of 
a Scripture text, in praise of mercy, 
or enjoining charity toward repentant 
sinners, soon proceed to infuse into 
the unwary mind a charily that is not 
Scriptural^ by apologizing for those 
who do not repent — nay, who glory in 
their crimes. Hence the unreflecting 
but well-meaning reader, possessing 
much candour but little information, 
is led to believe that the perjured 
adulteress from whom she has shrunk 
with horror, may be a most amiable, 
elegant, interesting creature, with only 
one fault — -a too susceptible heart. "* 
Again, changing their mode of com- 
passing the same end, they openly 
reject the authority of revelation, and 
commence innovating upon the "very 
substance of morals" They now come 
forward the unblushing " apologists 

* Mrs. West's Letters to a Young Lady. 



176 THE parent's friend. 

for licentiousness, and affirm it is not 
vice but virtue to obey the dictates of 
nature/' Thus do they lay down, as 
a fundamental principle of morality, 
one which w^ould sap the foundations 
of civil society. The man who is 
guilty of perjury or murder to gain 
possession of his neighbour's estate 
or money, has only to say, " I fol- 
lowed the dictates of nature — I co- 
veted," and he is excused ; the liber- 
tine has only to cast a lustful eye 
upon his brother's wife and daugh- 
ters, and, according to this infidel 
morality, he is at liberty to follow the 
dictates of nature in accomplishing 
their ruin. 

A fifth evil of an alarming magni- 
tude, connected with this subject, de- 
serves the consideration of all parents 
and masters. From the country are 
annually drawn to our large towns, a 
multitude of young persons as clerks, 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 177 

apprentices, &c. These young and 
inexperienced persons are scattered 
about in boarding- houses, and are 
under the care of their employers 
during business hours only. " Igno- 
rant of the world, generous and con- 
fiding, curious, and susceptible of 
every new impression, they are anx- 
ious to see and learn the ways of the 
city, in all their variety, excepting 
those- of a graver cast. Having few 
if any female acquaintances with 
whom to mingle, being deprived of 
a mother's counsel, and the sweet, 
affectionate society of sisters, they" 
form acquaintances and associations 
which lead them to the theatre ; by 
which means they ultimately "fall 
within the charmed circle of the wo- 
men of the town, whose seductive arts 
and blandishments are too frequently 
exerted with a measure of success 
enough to make the angels weep." 

12 



178 THE parent's friend* 

Is it inquired, "How shall these 
evils be avoided V I answer, Let 
parents inform themselves concern- 
ing the dangers to which youth are 
exposed in leaving home and resort- 
ing to our large towns, and in scores 
of cases these dangers will never be 
encountered,— they will keep their 
sons at home, or at least in the coun- 
try, and refuse to expose them to the 
temptations of a city life. But if they 
must resort to cities or large towns, 
let their parents fortify their minds 
against the temptations with which 
they are about to be surrounded, and 
let them see that they are placed un- 
der the watchful eye of faithful guar- 
dians, who will know how, where, and 
with whom they spend their leisure 
hours,— particularly their evenings* 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 179 



LETTER XXVIII, 

RELIGION. 

"And is it in the flight of threescore years 
To push eternity from human thought 
And bury souls immortal in the dust? 
A soul immortal, spending ail her fires. 
Wasting her strength in strenuous idleness* 
Thrown into tumult, raptured, or alarm'd 
At aught this scene can threaten or indulge, 
Resembles ocean into tempest wrought 
To waft a feather or to drown a fly." 

Young, 

I shall offer no apology for again 
introducing the subject of religion, 
and in a more direct manner than I 
have hitherto. I trust you have an 
abiding conviction of its paramount 
importance, What, alas ! are genius, 
learning, or exterior accomplishments, 
without piety toward God? What 
would it profit you or your children if 
the world— riches, friendship, know- 
ledge, accomplishments— be gained, 
and the soul be finally lost? Or what 
will it matter if you be even poor and 



180 THE PARENT'S friend. 

afflicted, if yon finally gain the haven 
of everlasting repose ? 

"Now a parent's power and respon- 
sibility are immense. He not only 
has the peace and happiness of those 
committed to him almost entirely at 
his disposal for the time being, but 
the effects of his influence over them 
run on through all the years of this 
life; and often through all the ages of 
the life to come." The parent who 
trains up a family of children reli- 
giously, touches a chord that will, 
in all probability, vibrate to eternity. 
He takes hold of a link in a chain 
of immortal spirits which may draw 
after it tens of thousands. Does he 
train up a family in the way they 
should go ? and is it too much to ex- 
pect the blessing of God upon that 
training in the conversion of that 
family? and will they not bring up 
their children also in the nurture and 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 181 

admonition of the Lord? and will not 
these last thus bring up their children 
also ? Even admitting that some re- 
ligiously educated children, by an 
abuse of moral agency, should be 
lost, yet will not many of such fami- 
lies be saved? will not a long line of 
this godly race appear, washed and 
purified, in the day of the Lord Je- 
sus? That child that sits upon your 
knee, father, may become a Swartz, 
a Martyn, or a Morrison. That in- 
fant reclining in your arms, mother, 
may win a thousand heathen souls 
to Christ. 

But perhaps you ask, "How shall 
I best promote the interests of the 
souls committed to my care ?" I an- 
swer, Be deeply pious yourself, — let 
your own soul be thoroughly imbued 
with the spirit of the gospel. Then 
will you present a living image of the 
beauty and excellence of Christianity 



18& THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

before your children. Then will you 
be inflexibly just in your dealings, 
upright in conversation, humane to- 
ward the suffering, and walk humbly 
with God. Then will you be solemn 
and dignified, cheerful and courteous. 
Then will the law of kindness be on 
your tongue — meekness and modesty 
will adorn your demeanour — joy will 
light up your countenance — peace 
and heavenly tranquillity wdll sit un- 
disturbed upon your brow. Your re- 
ligion will be heard in the tones of 
your voice, seen in every feature of 
your face, blended with all your acts. 
Then will you act under a lively im- 
pression of the presence of the holy 
God, and your reproofs, corrections, 
warnings, counsels, and expostula- 
tions, will, by their very manner, make 
your children feel that God is near. 
Then will you be faithful in the du- 
ties of family religion. Your warm 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 183 

and overflowing gratitude, your child- 
like confidence, your earnest entrea- 
ties, your heartfelt adoration in fa- 
mily prayer, will make such an im- 
pression on the minds of your chil- 
dren of God's being and presence, 
of his goodness and mercy, of his 
adorable perfections, and of the re- 
ality of his manifesting himself to 
his children " as he does not to the 
world," as is unlikely to be made by 
a thousand cold and formal doctrinal 
lessons. 

u For as a bird each fond endearment tries, 
To tempt her new-fledged offspring to the skies, 
He tries each art, reproves each dull delay, 
Allures to brighter worlds and leads the way." 

If, on the other hand, you yourself 
either neglect religion, or have only 
the form, your neglect, or your cold 
and formal method of speaking on 
the subject, and your lifeless prayers 
may establish the conviction in the 



184 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

minds of your children that it is but 
a mass of speculative notions and idle 
ceremonies. Your family may be a 
nursery for the weeds of skepticism 
and unbelief, and you may raise up 
a race of infidels to curse your neigh- 
bourhood, and to leave the most fatal 
impressions and pernicious example 
as a legacy of evil to a posterity yet 
unborn. If the pure and holy reli- 
gion of the gospel languishes ; if 
sermons of truth and power are lost 
upon the youth ; if hundreds of ex- 
cellent books are written, and Sun- 
day schools multiplied with compara? 
tively little effect ; if the children of 
many professing parents are grow- 
ing up in irreligion; if the Sabbath 
is desecrated, and the sanctuary ne- 
glected ; if revivals are few and soon 
over, and if young Christians are 
sickly and feeble, parents are respon- 
sible for a considerable part of this 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 185 

fearful array of evils. The total or 
partial neglect of family government 
and family religion is the principal 
cause of them. The reasons, there- 
fore, why there is so little genuine 
family religion are immensely impor- 
tant, and they should be sought out 
by all who regard the eternal welfare 
of the rising generation. I will add 
a few to those which I have already 
named. 

1. Some parents neglect to become 
pious until their families are grown 
up around them. Thus th.e most fa- 
vourable tii^e for commencing family 
religion is lost. 

2. The general neglect of family 
religion is the occasion of an over- 
whelming majority of our youth's 
being irreligious ; hence a powerful 
influence from the general current 
prevents many awakened youth from 
following their convictions, and even 



186 THE parent's friend. 

draws away many who have com- 
menced a religious life. 

3. Pious parents neglect to caution 
their converted children against form- 
ing attachments and contracting ma- 
trimonial alliances with unconverted 
persons ; (often, at least, until too 
late ;) and hence again a family with- 
out family religion. 

These lines are not written with- 
out grief by him who pens them. 
He sincerely sympathizes with those 
Christian parents who mourn over 
unconverted children. His heart has 
often been pained when a father or 
a mother has been unbosoming the 
deep sorrows of the soul occasioned 
by the irreligious courses of those in 
whom their very lives were bound 
up. But, alas ! alas ! how often has 
he known that such children had not 
been " trained up in the way they 
should go." A misguided fondness 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 187 

had led to undue indulgence — or ef- 
forts to restrain from bad company 
had been few and feeble— or moral 
principles had not been zealously in- 
culcated — or unnecessary severity 
had alienated the heart — or lax ex- 
ample had exerted an unhallowed 
influence, — some neglect or some 
mismanagement had come in for a 
full share of the evil. 

We pity in such instances, but we 
cannot excuse ; and no one should 
think us unkind to him because we 
caution others. However, there may 
be instances (who can say they are 
not extremely rare ?) where an indi- 
vidual abuses moral agency, thwarts 
all the kind purposes of those who 
love him, and breaks through all 
the powerful barriers thrown around 
him by a truly religious education. 
The affliction of the parents of such 
a child is deep ; but they do not 



188 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

feel its poignancy increased by self- 
reproaches — they have the satisfac- 
tion of having been faithful to their 
trust— and who can say that the pro- 
digal, in such cases, is not likely to 
return? that he will not soon be 
greeted as a wanderer restored to 
the paths of piety and peace? 



the parent's friend. 189 

LETTER XXIX. 

RELIGION CONTINUED. 

It is very unfortunate for parents 
to differ in their views on government, 
education, or religion ; but an entire 
agreement on all these points may 
not be attainable in every case — such 
is the infirmity of human judgment. 
It is possible, however, for those 
whose interests are the same to ex- 
ercise mutual charity and forbear- 
ance — indeed, it would be most pre- 
posterous for two so intimately con- 
nected as husband and wife to do 
otherwise. In relation to religion, 
how desirable soever it mav be that 
both should think alike, attend the 
same church, and instruct their chil- 
dren in the same religious views, I 
by no means wish to inculcate that 
laxity of sentiment falsely called libe- 



190 THE parent's friend. 

rality, but properly latitudinarianism, 
which is a hundred fold worse than 
all the sectarianism in the world. 
A man's choice of religious senti- 
ments (and those which he chooses 
he should, in all practicable cases, 
support by his money and influence) 
is a matter between him and his God ; 
let no one therefore sacrifice a good 
conscience to please even his best 
friend. On the other hand, to escape 
the evil of latitudinarianism, let him 
not run across the path of truth into 
the opposite ditch of error, and be- 
come a sectarian bigot, usurping the 
place of God, and dictating to an- 
other on points where the wisest and 
best of men have differed. 

Now, in reference to the religious 
education of those children whose 
parents differ on some of the minor 
and controverted points of religious 
belief, let it be an inculcation of the 






THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 191 

fundamentals in which all agree, and 
when judgment is sufficiently mature 
let them determine the minor points 
uninfluenced. Let them ? however, 
be seriously cautioned against allow- 
ing themselves to be influenced by 
any other motive than a strict regard 
to truth. Pride, or popularity, or tem- 
poral interests should have nothing 
to do with a man's religious senti- 
ments, 



192 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 



LETTER XXX. 

KNOWLEDGE OF THE SCRIPTURES. 

41 Within this awful volume lies 
The mystery of mysteries. 
O happiest they of human race, 
To whom our God has given grace 
To hear, to read, to fear, to pray, 
To lift the latch and force the way , 
But better had they ne'er been born 
Who read to doubt, or read to scorn. 

Of one of the greatest and best of 
men, a man whose name will live 
when princes are forgotten, it is said, 
" From a child thou hast known the 
holy Scriptures ;" and to this early 
knowledge of God's word, he was 
doubtless much indebted for that 
piety and usefulness which rendered 
his name immortal. What interest 
has a human being to promote which 
is not aided by a knowledge of the 
Bible? 

Do you wish to enlarge the under- 
standing? — The entrance of " God's 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 193 

word giveth light, it giveth under- 
standing to the simple." " There is 
nothing so likely to elevate our facul- 
ties, and endow them with new vi- 
gour, as bringing them into contact 
with stupendous truths, and setting 
them to grasp and measure those 
truths. The mind which deals with 
both worlds cannot, in the nature of 
things, be so contracted as that which 
deals with only one. In all the range 
of sciences, what science is there 
comparable in its sublimity to the 
science of God ? In all the annals 
of human kind, what historv is there 
so curious and so interesting as that 
of tfre infancy of man- — the cradling, 
so to speak, of the earth's population? 
Where will you find a lawgiver from 
whose edicts may be learned a nobler 
jurisprudence than is exhibited in the 
statute books of Moses ? Where will 
you gather such vivid illustrations of 

13 



194 THE parent's friend. 

the power of truth as are furnished 
by the march of Christianity, when 
apostles stood alone, and a world was 
against them? And if there be no 
book that treats of a loftier science, 
and none which contains a more inte- 
resting history, and none which more 
thoroughly discloses the principles of 
right and the prowess of truth, why 
then just so far as mental improve- 
ment can be proved dependant on 
acquaintance with scientific, or his- 
torical, or legal, or ethical matters, 
the Bible, beyond all other books, 
must be counted the grand engine 
for ^achieving that improvement. And 
we claim for the holy Scriptures the 
illustrious distinction, that, containing 
whatever is needful for saving the 
soul, they present also whatsoever 
is best calculated for strengthening 
the intellect." 

Do you wish to inculcate a pure 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 195 

and healthy morality? — -There is no 
morality like that of the Bible. What 
virtue has it left undefined? What 
vice is left without the seal of its 
reprobation? Where is its morality 
confused or contradictory ? It is an 
immutable standard of truth, subject 
to no fluctuations to suit the caprices 
of times or the degeneracies of cor- 
rupt ages. " Heaven and earth may 
pass away, but one jot or one tittle 
of God's law shall not fail." It is 
an authoritative morality. The ever- 
present God is our observer, ready 
to mark, approve, and commend our 
virtue, or to disapprove our vice, and 
to record it for a coming judgment. 
The holiness, felicity, honour, and 
glory of heaven are inseparably con- 
nected with our virtue ; but an eter- 
nity of sorrow and affliction warns us 
to flee from vice. It is a morality, 
the standard of which we are to carry 



196 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

in our hearts, and which is so simple 
as to be understood by a child: "All 
things whatsoever ye would that men 
should do unto you, do ye even so 
unto them." Here are the most pow- 
erful incentives to every virtue, and 
the strongest dissuasives from yield- 
ing to temptation. 

Do you desire the salvation of the 
souls committed to your care ? — Here 
is the instrument which the all-wise 
and merciful Being has put into your 
hands for the very purpose of guiding 
them to heaven. Here they are the 
" creatures of a day, passing as the 
arrow through the air, spirits from 
God, and returning to him ; just ho- 
vering over the great gulf till a few 
moments hence they are no more — 
they drop into an unchangeable eter- 
nity. One thing they need to know, 
— the way to heaven — how to land 
safe on that happy shore. God him- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 197 

self has condescended to teach the 
way. For this very end he came 
from heaven. He hath written it 
down in a book. O, give them that 
book ! At any price, give them the 
book of God." ■■ And the words of 
this book thou shalt diligently teach 
unto thy children, and shalt talk of 
them when thou sittest in thy house, 
and when thou walkest by the way, 
and when thou liest down, and when 
thou risest up." — Deut. vi, 7. 

Why should not every Christian 
family organize itself into a Bible 
class, and spend an hour once a week 
in studying the word of God? In 
such an exercise, parents, children, 
domestics, and all connected with the 
family, might join. Were this plan 
adopted, I am persuaded there would 
be fewer unconverted children of 
praying parents. We should hear 
less complaint of bad servants and 



198 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

unruly apprentices. This exercise 
would give the very opportunity so 
much needed of informing, instruct- 
ing, correcting, and amending. It 
would win upon the affections, it 
would give authority and influence 
to the parent and master. It would 
bring the powerful sanctions of God's 
word to correct evils and to induce 
fidelity. 

" Lord, how delightful 'tis to see 
A pious household worship thee : 
At once they sing, at once they pray, 
They talk of heaven, and learn the way." 

While on this subject, allow me to 
commend a practice I have known 
adopted with the best results. At 
family devotion, each member of the 
household old enough to read is fur- 
nished with a Bible, and each, in suc- 
cession, reads a passage. The effect 
is, first, improvement in the art of 
reading; secondly, attention is se- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 199 

cured, and far more Scriptural know- 
ledge attained than would be other- 
wise ; thirdly, interest is awakened — 
all feel that they have a part in the 
exercises — family religion is respect- 
ed, and a tie is formed connecting 
each person with the forms of reli- 
gion. 



200 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 



LETTER XXXI. 

PROFESSIONS, OCCUPATIONS, AND CONNECTIONS 
CONSIDERED WITH REGARD TO ETERNITY. 

In a town in New-England, a few 
years since, on a day of public fast- 
ing or thanksgiving, (I have forgot- 
ten which,) all the descendants of a 
venerable pair, amounting to about 
seventy, collected at the domicil of 
the aged patriarch, and thence in a 
body repaired to the sanctuary, to 
offer their united devotions to the 
great Parent of all. Most of them, 
I am happy to add, were pious. 

My object, in relating this fact, is 
to illustrate the rapid growth and the 
vast increase of families. It is pos- 
sible that I am addressing persons 
who may live to see themselves sur- 
rounded with an equally numerous 
train of descendants. Now let me 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 201 

ask, What course will you pursue? 
what shall be the governing motive 
in choosing professions and occupa- 
tions, and forming associations for 
these immortal beings ? Shall max- 
ims- of worldly policy govern you? 
or will you act as a Christian, who 
is fully persuaded that he himself is 
a high candidate for eternity, and 
that he must meet these souls, with 
many following generations, and ac- 
count to them and to God for the in- 
fluence exerted over them, and the 
turn given to their conduct ? 

You may have much influence in 
regard to their professions. What 
shall be your leading motive in the 
choice — honour and wealth, or salva- 
tion? The question is not whether 
they maij be saved in a certain call- 
ing, but whether in that or in another 
they willy in your judgment, be more 
likely to be saved. 



202 THE PARENT'S FRIETSTD. 

They are also forming connections. 
Here are the gay, the proud, the afflu- 
ent — there are the humble, the plain, 
the pious, the happy. Where do you 
choose that they should form connec- 
tions? Remember it is not barely 
your own son or daughter you set 
off on the right or the wrong road ; a 
long line of generations may follow. 
Usher your children into this com- 
pany — here is the family altar, the 
Bible, the books of devotion, the 
religious visitants, the church-going 
company, the house where God is 
honoured, and which he honours. 
Usher them into that society — there 
is no family altar, no devout con- 
versation, no pious visitants. Balls, 
parties, cards, theatres, excursions, 
money-making — these are the only 
helps to heaven to be found there. 

In what church would you leave 
your descendants ? — In a cold, heart- 



THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 203 

less, formal one, or in one fervent, 
devout, and pious? What ministry 
will you select?— A minister who is 
the bare apostle of moral virtue, and 
who delivers his silvery homilies with 
no higher object than to make his 
hearers moral, courteous, and re- 
spectable? one whose chief recom- 
mendations are a melodious voice, a 
graceful gesticulation, and a pleasing 
oratory ? one who sends away his 
hearers saying, " What a preacher !" 
"What an orator?" or do you choose 
that they should sit under a minis- 
try which sends them away saying, 
"God be merciful to me a sinner?" 

For w^hich are you most solicitous 
— which most engages your thoughts 
and efforts — to see them converted 
to God, and in the way to heaven 
or to leave them large estates, and 
see them honourably settled in the 
world? 0, if vou are a Christian, if 



204 THE PARENT'S FRIEND. 

you love God, if you desire to pro- 
mote his glory, if you have any grati- 
tude to the Saviour who died to re- 
deem you and your children, if you 
have any love to them — any feelings 
of kindness for their deathless spirits, 
let all your influence (and certainly 
it is immense) take its direction from 
this one leading principle : namely, 
Seeking for them first the kingdom 
of God and his righteousness ! 



3^ 



THE END, 



* G 



1% 










^ £* * £?3E% *' <?'r ^ * (AW/)' 






A 



^ * o ♦ x * <G* 








Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 



^ Treatment Date: March 2011 



PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 

111 Thomson Park Drive 
Cranberry Township, PA 16066 
(724)779-2111 



V> ^\V 






4 ^ 




<V^ -T 



O, " o , x * A 0^ 










0* 



UBR AFI y 



°ONGR£, 




